Institutionalized
by not a zatarc
Summary: Post X2. Logan has gone missing after being sent on a mission back to Alkali Lake, later to be found at a Psychiatric Institution for mutants. Jean and Rogue especially are determined to get him out before he dies in there. finished Please Review!
1. Break Myself

Disclaimer: The X-Men aren't mine, even if I wish really, really hard that atleast Logan was. x_-   
Summary: Logan has gone missing after being sent on a mission back to Alkali Lake, later to be found at a Psychiatric Institution. Rogue is determined to get him back, no matter what it takes.   
Note: This is post X2, but Jean didn't die, she only broke her ankle and was blind for a little while.   
2nd Note: The lyrics in this chapter are from 'Break Myself' by Something Corporate.   
  
**Institutionalized: Chapter 1-Break Myself**   
  
*****   
  
_I'm on fire   
And the day is feeling hopeless   
You'd see me burning   
But the burning's turning smokeless   
Soon I won't feel at all -no   
It's electric   
The neon hurt inside your phone call   
The layered sadness and the madness it revolves   
Breaking down the walls where you found love -no   
xxx   
I'm willing to break myself   
To shake this hell from everything I touch   
I'm willing to bleed for days, my reds and greys   
So you don't hurt so much_   
  
*****   
  


The ice crystals from the blistering cold outside sparkled on the window from the inside of the mansion. Rogue sat on a couch in the rec room, leaning against the armrest as she stared off out the window, watching the trees outside shake from the freezing wind.

  


Bobby walked in the room when he saw her staring, looking awfully lonely like she was waiting for something to happen, or as if she was waiting for a certain someone. He knew who that someone was, it was always the same person Rogue seemed to be waiting for. The only person Bobby knew of that could make her eyes gleam with so much happiness, the only person that seemed to make her truly feel alive, feel needed. It was Logan. Bobby had to frown a bit at the thought. He had always liked Rogue, and now they were dating, but it wasn't always enough. He always knew that Logan would still have a very special place in her heart, and she would hold onto that no matter how long she was with Bobby. This made him jealous, but he knew that she only cared for Logan as a father-figure, or an older brother. It wasn't what Bobby and Rogue had, it was something less, and something more at the same time. But he cared too, and Bobby wanted Rogue to know that. He needed her too.

  


"Rogue?" he called out gently, walking over to stand behind the couch.

  


She turned slowly as if just realizing that everything existed outside her daydream. "Oh, Bobby." smiling faintly, she shifted on the couch so that she was facing the tv.

  


Bobby had a solemn look on his face as he walked around the couch and sat beside her, gingerly resting his hand on her jeans clad knee. "Waiting for Logan again?"

  


Rogue gave him a look, noticing the light cinisism in his tone.

  


"Sorry." Bobby apologized, not meaning to sound so cruel, he just didn't like seeing her looking so lost. 

  


She appeared desperate, as if she needed Logan right at that moment because there was something wrong. Rogue could almost feel as if something just wasn't right. "It's okay." she smiled faintly, though she knew Bobby could tell she looked worried. "I am waiting for him actually." pausing for a moment, Rogue glanced back toward the window with sad eyes before turning to face her boyfriend again. "He shoulda been back last night. The Professor only sent 'im on a simple mission. All he had ta do was go back ta Alkali Lake an' make sure there wasn't anythin' left from the old underground base that got destroyed last year."

  


Bobby looked down, staring at Rogue's hands as she fiddled with her gloves. "Well, how long ago did he leave?"

  


"About a week ago." she replied sadly, then suddenly looked up as a voice entered her mind.**_ ~Rogue, I need to see you in my study immediately please.~_**

  


Noticing the change in Rogue's expression, Bobby looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "What is it?"

  


"The Professor." she answered, a bit of hope in her voice. "He wants ta see me right now. Maybe he's heard from Logan." 

  


Before Bobby could say anything, Rogue was off the couch and on her way out of the room.

  
  
*****   
  
_Now I'm static   
As your sky is turning purple and grey   
I'm learning that the further that I crawl   
The farther that I fall -is that ok- no   
And you're in pieces   
As your world becomes a rainstorm   
You've got no shelter -I'm a thousand miles away   
If you survive the day you say you're leaving   
Say you're leaving   
xxx   
I'm willing to break myself   
To shake this hell from everything I touch   
I'm willing to bleed for days, my reds and greys   
So you don't hurt so much   
So you don't hurt so much_   
  
*****   
  


The building was large, even larger than most buildings like it. There were many mutants inside it's thick walls and barbed-wire electric fences. This place was an institution; the Mutant Psychiatric Hospital to be precise. The patients housed in this Godforsaken place were kept in cells specifically designed, keeping each mutant's unique abilities in mind. Even the medication and forms of punishment were specifically designed for different patients. Some of the mutants were treated fairly well, according to the human guards, orderlies, and teams of doctors working there, and some weren't treated well at all. That all depended on the patient, and how dangerous or uncooperative they were. Not many people knew of this specific institution, or cared for that matter, and that was how it was to be kept. It was a secret, and visitor's that bothered to come only came seldomly.

  


A particular patient hung upside-down by chains, in a 12x12 room with thick cement walls, strapped in what could only be described as a metal straightjacket. His eyes were rolled back slightly as he was almost passed out from all the blood rushing to his head. He struggled in vain, but it was no use, he was stuck. The mutant growled lowly and sniffed, taking in the scent of one of the orderlies, a man called Lenny. Surprisingly, this was actually one of the nicer ones.

  


"Ok pal, you gonna behave now or do we gotta keep you strapped upside-down all night?" Lenny asked with a smirk, running a hand through his neatly cut light brown hair. He tilted his head to the side, approaching the patient slowly and carefully so that he was looking him in the eye. "Well? What do you say..._Logan?_ That's your name isn't it? It's what you told us. Don't you remember?"

  


**"RAAAAAAAGH!!!"** Logan snarled, screaming in the orderly's face and struggling so that he shook in the metal straightjacket and swung from the chains.

  


"Hmm, guess that's a no." Lenny said smugly with a smirk. "Eh, since I'm such a nice guy, I'll let'cha down anyways." he glanced back to the opening of the room, motioning for the orderlies that were out there to come in. "We'll need some sedatives for this one. Atleast five. Got a healin' factor my boy does!" he shouted.

  


**"NOOOOOO!!!"** Logan shouted, twisting around as they began lowering his chain and approaching with their needles. 

  


Four big orderlies were forced to tackle Logan to stop him from moving once he was on the ground, so they could administer the sedatives.

  


"Aw, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Lenny smirked, patting Logan's chest after he was given the drugs.

  


Drowsy from the sedatives, Logan wasn't able to make a sound, barely moving as the big guys that took him down began dragging him out of the room.

  


"Make sure ya take him to his room with the special restraints an' strap 'im down good!"

  
  
***** 


	2. Down

Note: The lyrics in this chapter are from 'Down' by Something Corporate.   
  
**Institutionalized: Chapter 2-Down**   


*****

  
_I hear sound echoe in the emptiness   
All around but you can't change this lonliness   
Look what you've found   
I've fallen down_   


*****

  


Her fingers twitching nervously as she approached the Professor's study, Rogue forced herself to calm down before opening the door and stepping inside the big room. As she walked in she found herself looking at the concerned faces of Jean, Scott, and Ororo, the Professor holding a grim smile. "Um..what's..wrong?" Rogue asked slowly, suddenly feeling very awkward and nervous.

  


"Please sit down with the rest of the team Rogue." the Professor asked her calmly, folding his hands over the oak desk.

  


"A'right." sitting herself between Ororo and Jean in the empty chair, Rogue's thoughts began to drift._ 'So what is this? Am I really considered part o' the main team now? Why wasn't Bobby told ta come? He an' I joined at the same time...This is really weird, somethin's gotta be wrong...'_

  


The Professor cleared his throat, a forced smile on his face. "As you all know, I've sent Logan back to Alkali Lake to check it over. That was about 7 days ago, and he should have returned yesterday."

  


Everyone in the room stared at the Professor, waiting for him to get to the point, and fearing what it may be. Even Scott seemed to care, though he wasn't making his concern as obvious as the others.

  


Rogue suddenly felt sick to her stomach. Something really was wrong, and it had to do with Logan not coming back when he was supposed to._'Oh God...'_ she thought, gripped with fear as she chewed at her lower lip and began fidgeting with her gloves._ 'What's wrong...what's happened to Logan?'_

  


"Charles, what is it?" Jean prompted after his long silence as the Professor collectively gathered all their expressions, trying to block out everyone's emotions from penetrating his mental barriers. She was especially worried something was very wrong. Jean could sense it, even though Professor Xavier was trying desperately to hide what _'it'_ was.

  


"Yes Charles, please go on." Ororo said, trying to get with Jean's line of thinking.

  


The Professor leaned forward, his voice low and serious. "I have found him, but...he's not in a place that I would call _safe_."

  


Rogue furrowed her brows, then finally spoke exactly what she was thinking. "What do you mean Professor? Where is he? Where's Logan??"

  


"Is he in some sort of trouble?" Scott asked with a bit of sarcasm, figuring only Logan could find himself in trouble on a simple scouting mission.

  


Jean shot him a look and the fearless leader shrunk back slightly in his chair. Ever since Alkali Lake, she and Scott had been in an 'on and off' relationship. She could tell that Scott had since been very careful what he said in front of her, he didn't want her upset with him.

  


Xavier sighed. "He's in a psychiatric institution for mutants."

  


**"What?!"** Rogue, Jean, and Ororo asked in unison, though Rogue's shout was much more vocal.

  


The Professor shook his head sadly. "I need one or two of you to go down there and see what's going on. But I have a feeling it's not going to be an easy task to get him out if he's been committed."

  


"I want to go." Rogue said quickly, wanting to make sure she was there for him. She knew that no matter what, Logan would be there for her.

  


"I'd like to go too Professor." Jean said with a nod toward Rogue.

  


_**"What?!"**_ Scott exclaimed with a bit too much enthusiasm. "Jean, I don't know if that's such a great idea."

  


"Why Scott?" Jean stared at him with a hint of anger in her tone. "Just because you aren't on the best terms with Logan?!" she nearly shouted. Jean was sick of Scott's jealousy, especially since he'd been against Logan since the day he arrived at the institute. "This is about helping out a teammate, a friend. Your rivalry with Logan has no part in this!"

  


"No, it's-" Scott began defending himself quickly, desperately wanting to get back on her good side.

  


"Enough." Ororo said forcefully, causing everyone to look her way. "Jean is right Scott, she should go. It may be best to have a telepath there, to detect if we're being lied to involving the reason Logan is at the institution. Besides, those Logan feels closest to should be there, just in case something really is wrong."

  


That last bit touched a nerve with Scott. _Jean_ was someone that Logan felt closest to? He didn't like that at all.

  


"Jean, you and Rogue are to leave immediately." Charles agreed, making the decision that the two were to go. "We don't want any unnecessary attention, or for the people at the hospital to suspect anything, so you'll have to take a Commercial flight.

  


"Where is this place?" Rogue asked, standing up.

  


"It's actually a few hundred miles from the Alkali Lake base."

  


*****

  
_Taste the saline   
Rolling down your cheekbone   
Tell me that you're alone   
Tell me on the telephone   
Feel your heart   
It breaks within your chest now.   
Try to get some rest now   
Sleep's not coming easy for a while   
child_   


*****

  


The room was quiet, so quiet in fact that it seemed as if a pin being dropped could wake the dead. It was cold too, which made the awful place seem more like a place for the dead than anything. Cell Block-C was where the more dangerous patients were kept. It was where Logan found himself at the moment. He was lying on a cold metal bed, strapped down by heavy metal restraints cuffed around his ankles and wrists, and his chest was strapped down with a thick leather strap. He had specially made adamantium cuffs on his knuckles to keep him from releasing his claws, and a mask over his mouth, supposedly to keep him from biting. 

  


The orderlies and doctors treated him like some kind of animal, and he wasn't sure that they were too far off. Logan didn't remember how he'd gotten himself in this place, and he had a very vague recollection of where he'd been living before this. He remembered a large building, but not like this. It was more like a home and wasn't an institution really. He remembered lots of people, and he remembered caring for a few of them like they were his own family. Why couldn't he remember clearly? What happened to him? He didn't belong here, he wasn't crazy. Or was he? Did he deserve being treated this way? All he could remember incredibly clearly was that his name was Logan. Then there were the nightmares. He had torturous dreams, but somehow he knew the dreams didn't originate in the Psychiatric Hospital, they were from somewhere much, much worse.

  


Logan knew that the people here were drugging him, making him act all crazy in some back-asswards attempt to cure him, though there was nothing to cure. Atleast, he didn't think so. Something had convinced him that this place was driving him crazy, he wasn't supposed to be here, and he needed to get out and find that warm house, the one with people that cared for him. The hardest thing to think about, was that there was no one that cared for him, no big warm house with a bunch of people like him. Mutants. He was afraid that none of the wonderful things he thought he barely remembered existed, and it all came from his imagination.

  


Logan lay there, unmoving, trying to fall asleep and dream of that big warm house, even if it was only in his mind.

  


*****


	3. Cos It Already Is

Note: The song in this chapter is 'For Nancy ('cos it already is)' by Pete Yorn.   
  
**Institutionalized: Chapter 3-'Cos It Already Is**   
  
*****   
  
_And when you said I could not stay with you   
That's not the way you would have wanted to be   
Convince yourself that everything is alright   
'Cos it already is.   
xxx   
Don't sell your heart and break just anyone   
I want to run with you through moorland fields   
Convince yourself that everything is alright   
'Cos it already is   
'Cos it already is_   
  
*****   


The sound of a weapon being cocked reached Logan's ears in his dream, and he woke up screaming, causing some of the orderlies to rush toward his cell, or 'room' as they liked to call it.

"What's this damn lunatic screaming for?!" a tall, lean orderly with buzzed black hair and a Hitler-ish mustache yelled, approaching the cell.

"Oh, my pal Logan down there?" the orderly, Lenny, called out as he came up beside the Hitler-look-a-like. He waved a hand of dismissal, an amused smirk on his face. "Aw, forget it, he's _always_ screamin' 'bout somethin'. Ain'tcha Logan?" he winked, peering in through the bullet-proof glass that served as a front wall, with a door to the side. 

Logan titled his head on the table he was strapped to, struggling against his restraints. His upper lip curled into a snarl.** "RRAAARGHH!!!"** he screamed, baring pointed canine teeth, though you couldn't really see because of the Hannibal-ish mask over his mouth. He knew he was sane, he felt sane at the moment anyways, since they hadn't given him any of the drugs yet and the previous ones were almost completely worn off. Even so, he'd still rather snarl at the guards and orderlies instead of letting them know that he could think for himself. Logan didn't figure he had a reason to talk to them. No matter what he said they'd still probably find him insane. 

Lenny winked at Logan again and turned to the other orderly with a goofy smile, waving him off. "Hey man, I'll take care of this." turning back to Logan, Lenny grinned, pulling out his keys and unlocking the door to Logan's room. 

Logan turned his head away, a low growl emitting from his throat. He knew what was going to happen, Lenny was going to unlock his restraints, then put him in a straightjacket to get him his meds and food. Not this time. This time Logan was going to escape. He'd been waiting for this.

"You gonna behave now?" Lenny asked, dangling the key to the restraints right in front of Logan's face. 

He didn't say anything, turning his head to look at the orderly. It was a silent answer, and since he didn't scream or growl, that was considered a 'yes' from Logan.

Lenny glanced back at the camera surveying the room from the hall, then began unlocking his patient's restraints. "Jus' sit up slowly when I unhook ya an' you won't needta be tranq'd."

Logan grunted, carefully doing as told and rubbing at his wrists. His bare feet tingled from the cold hard floor and he shivered. Craning his neck to the side until it cracked, Logan smirked devilishly, then roared, charging at Lenny and knocking the surprised man to the ground. Glancing up at the camera he knew was always watching him, Logan got to his feet quickly and bolted from the room, then began running down the halls as fast as his legs could carry him.

  
  
*****   


The outside air felt fresh and cold at the same time, but it was welcoming. The yard to the Psychiatric Hospital was small, and he barely managed to remember how he'd been able to get out there, but he ran for the barbed wire electric fences, knowing that they were only turned on when the patients were out in the yard for recreation. Logan rushed for the fence, grabbing hold of the links with curled fingers and bare toes as he began to climb. He reached for the top, the barbed wire cutting into his hands, and blood dripping down his arms, but he didn't care, he knew the cuts would heal. He could hear the sirens blaring from his escape, lights going off all around the property, a particularly big spotlight pinpointing him easily. All Logan knew was that he had to get out, but unfortunately, the next thing he realized was that there were guards standing on the dead grass behind him, pointing weapons in his direction.

"Let go of the fence **now!!**" one of the guards shouted, his weapon shaking in his hand in fear of the apparently crazy man before him.

When the guards realized that Logan wasn't about to back down, they shot at him with taser guns and tranquilizers, knocking him to the ground unconscious.

"Drag 'im inside boys!"

  
  
*****   
  
_So take your lessons hard and stay with him   
And when your car crash comes don't be mislead   
Convince yourself that everything is alright   
'Cos it already is   
'Cos it already is_   
  
*****   


Trying to look more serious than nervous and edgy, Rogue followed alongside Jean as they were escorted down the halls of the Psychiatric Hospital where their teammate and friend, Logan, was supposedly being held. It pained her to think that he had been committed, and she couldn't understand why it would be so. _'What could Logan have done to make these people think he was crazy?'_ Of course she could find a somewhat commical answer to her own question, but this wasn't the time. She was worried, and that scared her.

Jean remained calm and collective as they were brought in an office, supposedly so they could talk to the head of the Hospital. She was trying to mentally scan the area to detect if Logan was really there, but without drifting too far. With so many mentally ill mutants around, it could cause her some damage, or atleast a headache, if she were to get into any of their minds. She worried immensely about Logan being held in this horrid place, but Jean had to keep her exterior calm and make sure she didn't cause a scene.

  
  
*****   


After sitting and talking with the man that was responcible for the entire hospital, a man named Mr. Cross, Jean was growing tired trying to decipher whether he was telling the complete truth, or just parts of it. The man just had an eerie look to him, and Jean didn't trust him. He had a pointed nose; bent slightly at the bridge, thinning grey hair, very tired looking features, and thin rimmed glasses set near the end of his nose.

Rogue sat patiently with her hands folded in her lap as Jean spoke.

"So, how exactly did Logan end up here?" Jean asked, getting impatient.

"Well," Mr. Cross cleared his throat, leaning forward. "If this man who calls himself _Logan_ is the same one you're looking for..."

"You _know_ he is." Jean told him, leaning forward in her chair and giving the man a deadly glare. "I've already described him to a **'T'**."

"Yes." Mr. Cross nodded slowly, not meeting Jean's eyes as he spoke again. "As I was about to say; he was brought in, tranquilized. Two hunters found him running around in the woods completely naked, acting like some sort of wounded animal and howling like a madman. They said that he was defensive, growling and snarling when they tried to help, and he attacked them with those knives that come out of his hands. They were forced to shoot him with the tranquilizer guns to take him down. After that, they brought him here, figuring he was an escaped patient."

Jean's face blanched, because she knew there was atleast some sort of truth behind what the eerie little man was saying, but what scared her the most was that Mr. Cross was definetly hiding something, and she wanted to know why. 

Rogue just stared at the creepy man, not knowing what to think. All she knew was that she had to go to Logan. He wasn't crazy, he didn't belong in a place like this.

"That still doesn't fully explain the reason why Logan is still here. He knows _us_, he knows where he lives. I don't understand this." Jean told the man, her anger and confusion rising.

"We had trouble with him once he woke up here. He was irrational, lashing out. Your _Logan_ severely injured two of our guards, and caused a few orderlies to need several stitches. We were forced to restrain him and give the proper medication until he was calm. After that he wouldn't speak to us, he only told us his name and that's all we know." Mr. Cross finished telling Jean and Rogue how Logan had got to the hospital, then he stood, gesturing toward the doors. "Would you like to see him?"

"Yes." Rogue piped up eagerly, speaking for the first time she'd been there.

Jean nodded, standing up.

"Mr. Lenny here will take you to him. He's in the common room with a few of the other patients." Mr. Cross told them, nodding his head to the orderly standing outside the door.

Rogue stared at _'Mr. Lenny'_, noticing that he had a big bruise on the side of his face and he looked rather angry. For some reason, she feared that Logan was the cause of that man's anger, and the bruise on his face.

  
  
*****   
  
_So take your lessons hard and stay with him   
And when your car crash comes don't be mislead   
Convince yourself that everything is alright   
'Cos it already is   
Yeah it already is   
...so take him home._   
  
***** 


	4. Visiting

**Institutionalized: Chapter 4-Visiting **   
  
*****   


Jean and Rogue were led into a large, locked room, where atleast fifteen patients were keeping busy; either walking around, playing card games, or watching the small tv that was mounted high on the wall. This, they assumed, was what Mr. Cross had called, _'the common room'_. 

Jean looked around the room as they followed Lenny. Some of the patients seemed perfectly normal, not mentally ill at all, but looks could be deceiving. Knowing that all the patients here were mutants made Jean wonder how well they had been treated. She glanced toward an old couch in front of the tv where a patient with pale green skin was sitting, rocking back and forth and mumbling incoherrent things.

Rogue took deep breaths to calm down, feeling nervous around all the people there. She noticed that the patients where wearing various colored medical scrubs with numbers on them. The orderly, Lenny, must have noticed her looking at the patient's clothing, because he answered her unspoken question.

"All the patients are assigned diff'rent colored uniforms." he started to explain, gaining Jean's attention along with Rogue's. "The more cooperative patients are in yellow, the average, and mildly psychotic ones are in orange, an' then the dangerous ones're in blue." Lenny smirked, stopping at a table in the corner where one of the patients was sitting with his head down, shrouded in shadows. The patient was slightly twitching, and seemingly oblivious to anything around him. Lenny smacked his hand down on the table, grinning at Jean and Rogue. "Here's your boy Logan. Look alive now, y'got visitors!" he shouted, smacking at Logan's shoulder with the back of his hand.

Jean and Rogue stared at Logan, barely recognizing him. Jean furrowed her brows, glancing at Lenny who was still smirking. 

"He should behave now, he's on his meds." the orderly half smiled with a nod, then waved and started to leave the common room.

Jean and Rogue both sat down tentatively, staring at Logan, each of them aware that he was wearing _blue_ scrubs, signifying that he was considered a more dangerous patient.

"Jean...what's the matter with him?" Rogue asked in a low whisper, concern lacing her words as she stared at Logan.

Jean bit her lower lip, putting her hands to her temples for a quick and gentle mind probe. Her head snapped up, her face showing fear, concern, and resentment toward the men holding him captive.

"What is it?" Rogue noticed the change of the redhead's expression.

"He's been _drugged_." Jean answered the younger woman, obvious disgust in her tone. "He's _very_ heavily medicated, as far as I can tell. Something's happened to him." she looked to Rogue, urgency in her eyes. "We need to talk to him, get him talking. It's like he's been drugged many times since being here, but hopefully he'll still remember us."

Rogue nodded, tapping at the table in front of Logan to gain his attention. "Hey, Logan?"

He looked up slowly, tilting his head to the side and placing his hands on the table. He stared hard at the two women before him with blank, red-rimmed eyes, knowing that somehow he recognized them. He just needed to place their names with the faces, see if he could remember _how_ he knew them.

Jean looked at his hands as they rested on the table, just noticing that there were strange metal cuffs on them. 

Logan stared into Rogue's eyes, then something finally clicked. He _knew_ her, he'd saved her before...atleast twice. She meant something special to him, it was..."Rogue?" his raspy voice asked gently, hoarse from shouting.

Rogue grinned, happy beyond belief that he'd recognized her. "Yes, Rogue-I mean, I'm _Rogue_."

Logan turned to look at the other woman, the redhead. He definetly knew her too. There was something about her that made her special to him. It was there...who she was, he just had to think a little harder. "_Jean_?" he finally asked before twitching involuntarily, knowing that his healing factor was trying to fight off all the drugs he'd been given.

Jean nodded with a soft smile. "Yes, Logan, it's _Jean_." she saw him start to shake, his shoulders jerking, and her smile faltered. "What's wrong? Are you alright?"

He grunted, gripping the edge of the table before he met Jean's gaze with bloodshot eyes. "Fightin'...meds." he mumbled lowly, his head twitching a bit again.

Rogue stared at the cuffs on his knuckles, reaching her hand out tentatively to rest on one of Logan's. "Are these...'cause of yur _claws_?" she asked with a frown.

Logan nodded slowly, confirming her assumption.

Jean looked to Rogue, her eyes bright and fearful, but determined. "We have to get him out of here." she whispered, glancing back as a guard and a different orderly than from before started toward them.

"Visiting time's _over_. You ladies need to leave now." a large man instructed, as the other one approached Logan.

**"NOOOO!!!"** Logan snarled, jumping quickly from his seat and crouching in a defensive position. He didn't want to be drugged again, not when he was finally remembering people and starting to think straight.

Jean's eyes widened at the display, and she telepathically sent to Rogue; _~They must've noticed that his medication was wearing off. I have a feeling the people here don't want us to know what's really going on.~_

Rogue glanced from Logan to Jean as two more orderlies came into the room and tried to escort them out._ ~Yeh, I think yur right Jean. What're we gonna do?~_

**"RAAAAARRRGH!!!"** Logan roared as a guard got behind him, wrapping his massive arms tightly around Logan's chest, pinning his arms to his sides to prevent him from striking. Logan struggled, jumping back as he lifted his legs and kicked another orderly that was coming toward him with a needle.

Jean looked to Rogue again as the orderlies started to forcefully push the two of them out of the room. _~I don't know Rogue, but we can't do anything right now. It would be too suspicious.~_ she told her regretably, watching with sad eyes as Logan was sedated, then strapped to a gurney and pushed out of the room. She noticed a bunch of the other patients had gotten rowdy since Logan's display, and there was loud screaming and shouting as half a dozen more orderlies and guards were sent in the common room to take care of all the patients.

  
  
*****   


After being forced from the Psychiatric Hospital, Rogue and Jean went back to their rental car to sit in thought of what to do about their captive friend.

The long silence almost unbearable, Rogue finally turned to Jean, her voice full of passion. "Jean we can't leave 'im in that place." she shook her head, tears filling her eyes from frustration. "He'll die in there an' you know it."

Jean's pained green eyes met Rogue's murky-greenish ones and she gripped the steering wheel tightly. "I _know_." she replied lowly. "I was mentally sending the Professor our conversation with Logan and with Mr. Cross, so he'll know what we were told and what we saw."

Rogue nodded slowly, peering out the window to stare at the desolate looking building. It was so peaceful from the outside, yet wrong. It was all wrong, this was all _wrong_. "Well, what do we do now? We're gonna actually leave 'im here t'night?"

Jean met her gaze again sadly, tears forming in her own eyes. "We don't have a choice Rogue." 

With a heavy heart, she started up the car and pulled out of the parking lot, driving away from the eerie hospital. "We'll see what Charles has to say, and then we'll go from there."

  
  
***** 


	5. Never Ending

**Note:**The lyrics in this chapter are from _'Never Ending'_by OneSideZero.  
  
**Institutionalized: Chapter 5-Never Ending**  
  


* * *

  


_It feels like a lonely day  
It seems like a throw away  
And everything is a sad reminder  
Of the way we could be together  
It feels like a lonely day  
Never ending  
A never ending day_  
*****

Heavily medicated, Logan was left to lay alone in his cell, for once without restraints. The doctors mainly figured he was too drugged up to do anything but lay there and stare at the ceiling anyway. They were partially right about that one.

Logan rolled his head to the side so he could see through the front glass of his cell. He barely had enough strength in him to keep his mouth shut and prevent himself from drooling. Wanting desperately to remember more about Rogue and Jean, and where he'd come from before ending up where he was at the moment, Logan closed his eyes and tried to think back. The drugs made him tired, but too tired to sleep. He could barely think and it frustrated him. He was also hungry as hell, since he never got the chance to eat because of his escape attempt. Logan's mind began running loops, images of memories flashing through his head so fast that he couldn't put anything together. He saw flashes of Rogue and Jean, talking to him, fighting beside him. Then there was other people too, but he couldn't remember who they were just yet.

With one eye barely open, Logan managed to roll himself off the metal bed in an attempt to get up. He landed on the cold floor, face down, unable to move. A low groan escaped his lips, then seconds later he passed out.

  
  


* * *

  


After returning to the mansion, Rogue and Jean met the rest of the team in Professor Xavier's office to speak of what had happened, though most if it Charles already knew.

Rogue was anxious and worried, her hands tapping on her legs as the Professor talked, and she found herself tuning out his voice. All she could think about was Logan, sitting alone in some cell in that hospital, too drugged to know what was going on or who he was. She knew he needed her, and she wanted desperately to be there for him, to break him out of that awful place and take him back to the mansion where he belonged. She was terrified to think what might happen to him if left there.

"Rogue, did you hear what I just said?" the Professor asked kindly, wise blue eyes focusing on the young girl from behind his desk.

"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry Professor." she answered dumbly, having absolutely no clue what he'd said.

"That's quite alright Rogue. I know you are stressed at the moment." he answered with an empathic smile, then looked at the rest of his X-Men. "Will you all please excuse us? I'd like to speak to Rogue."

Jean, Ororo, and Scott all nodded with understanding, then raised from their seats and started out of the room.

Passing by Rogue, Jean placed a comforting hand on the girl's shoulder, her eyes a little teary. "It'll be alright Rogue, we'll bring him home." she said quietly with a kind smile as she exited the office. She knew how Rogue felt, because Jean was feeling the same sickness in her stomach, that awful knot that made her want to rush down to that Psychiatric Hospital herself and break Logan free.

Rogue turned in her chair, watching Jean and the others all leave, confusion marring her features. Turning back to the Professor, she opened her mouth to speak, but he already started to answer her unasked question.

"As I've just finished telling the others, I've discovered the full truth about how Logan arrived at the Psychiatric Hospital." his voice was serious, yet sympathetic and comforting and Rogue paid close attention. "Apparently, he never made it to Alkali Lake as planned. He was picked up by a man named John Wraith and his team from a different faction of _Weapon-X_."

Rogue gasped, her mouth gaping open in fear as she listened to Xavier. She knew of Weapon-X. It was the reason Logan hated William Stryker so much; the source of his nightmares, the cause of his torment. Since she shared a part of those nightmares, those vivid and dark memories, she knew the fear well. The feeling in the pit of her stomach, that helplessness and the torture that made her wish she was dead. It was why _he _sometimes wished he was dead. Rogue couldn't even imagine what going back to something so awful would do to him.

Charles nodded, understanding that Rogue was listening this time. "Logan had remained with Weapon-X for four days, where they tortured him and tried to break him down. He did have somewhat of a mental break during his time there, though they had yet to erase his memories. Feeling that he was no longer of use to them in his current condition, they arranged for him to be brought to the Mutant Psychiatric Hospital. John Wraith and the Weapon-X program paid Mr. Cross large sums of money to keep Logan there and keep him drugged in case he were to ever come out of his mental relapse." The Professor looked away sadly, meeting Rogue's shocked gaze with weary eyes. "Since they didn't know Logan had any friends or contacts, it was quite a surprise when you and Jean showed up looking for him. It was also a shock when Logan seemed to recognize the two of you, and started to remember things."

Rogue took in a deep breath, her voice crackling slightly as she spoke. "We _are _gettin' him outta there though...right Professor?"

"We're going to do all we can Rogue, but we can't do anything right away. You and Jean will be going back to see him tomorrow, though I want you to act as though you know Logan is mentally ill, and you wish for him to stay. Do you understand?"

Rogue nodded eagerly. "That way they won't up security or anythin' an' think we're gonna break him out right? We're gonna get 'im out when they least expect it."

"Yes." Charles told her with a comforting smile. "Now why don't you get some rest Rogue, it's rather late."

  
  


* * *

  
**Note:**I know, I know, the chapter was kinda short. x_0 Live with it. *hands out bowls of macaroni and cheese* Here, be happy! An' PLEASE REVIEW!  
Logan-muse: _Mac an' cheese?_  
Blix: What? It's what we're havin' for dinner. x_0 *shrugs*  
Logan-muse: *sigh* 


	6. The Blinding Room

**Note: **The song in this chapter is from 'Vacancy' by Social Burn   
**2nd Note: **Thanks to you reviewers!!! *makes Logan-muse hug everyone* Hehe. x_-   
  
**Institutionalized: Chapter 6-The Blinding Room**   
  
*****   
  
_Time sometimes gets away from me   
I lost myself trying to make you see   
That every time you cry I lose my mind   
I can't see who you need me to be   
When your lost as well in your vacancy   
Locked up and waiting for the sun   
  
Cause it's raining where you are   
I'm trying but it's too hard   
Yeah it's raining where you are   
But you can't run away from everything   
So just fall back, fall back_   
  
***** 

Waking up on a cold floor wasn't the most pleasant thing in the world, especially when you were dragged into a brightly lit room afterwards. Logan hadn't struggled one bit as a couple of orderlies brought him in the empty room, strapped him in a straightjacket and then made him lay on a table in the middle of the room. He paid no attention whatsoever as they strapped him to the table, then put a neck brace on him so that he was forced to stare at the light on the ceiling. It hurt his eyes, being so different from the dimly lit cell he was used to, but Logan didn't care. 

Despite his failed attempt at an escape, he found himself determined now more than ever, to keep his head clear so he'd get out of this awful place. Logan was going to try and behave while being taken to get his meds, because he knew that if he put up a struggle, they'd give him his meds by needle. If he was lucky enough, he could fool them so that they gave him pills and he'd just pretend to take them. That's what he was going to do, he'd trick them all. 

Before Logan had the chance to really focus, an orderly came toward him and roughly grabbed his face, then proceeded to tape his eyes open. He snarled, then the man backed away and presumably left the room as the bright light that Logan was forced to stare at grew even brighter. He howled loudly, the blinding light giving him a headache. 

Watching him from the side of the room, wearing dark sunglasses that prevented the light from hurting his own eyes, Mr. Cross stood. He watched with a wicked glare, a satisfied smirk on his face as Logan writhed in agony from the pain caused by the unnaturally bright lights. "This is what you get for remembering..._Weapon-X_." Mr. Cross seethed evilly.   
  
*****   
  
_It feels like hell when I'm dying inside   
Searching to find some peace of mind   
To make it seem like everything's not wrong   
Just give me the key and let me in your room   
I'll try my best not to make a move   
So I won't have to hurt you anymore   
  
Cause it's raining where you are   
I'm trying but it's too hard   
Yeah it's raining where you are   
But you can't run away from everything   
So just fall back, fall back_   
  
***** 

Leaning against the wall of his cell, Logan sat on the floor, still strapped in a straightjacket. The metal cuffs on his hands made his knuckles sore, something his healing factor didn't do much for because every time his hands healed, the metal cut into his skin again. He was still seeing bright spots in front of his eyes from the punishment in that room, but none of that seemed to make a difference now. All he found himself doing was thinking about the two people that came to visit him the day before, Rogue and Jean. Two people that knew who he was. Two people that cared for him enough to talk to him, enough to show up.

He remembered cleary that he'd saved Rogue before, and that she was like a daughter to him, someone he wanted to protect. But then there was Jean. He couldn't remember exactly what it was, but he knew he had strong feelings for her. But did he love her?

Logan gently thumped his head against the wall as he clenched his eyes shut. He _did _love her, but he'd never told her. Something was keeping him from telling her, getting closer to her. It was...another guy. Now the memory was getting clearer. A tall, slim man, who for some reason he couldn't think of, had to always wear special glasses...or some weird visor. This is the guy who was keeping him from going to her, or her going to him. 

  
  
***** 

"Ready to go Rogue?" Jean asked softly, standing in the kitchen where the younger girl was sipping at a cup of coffee that had long since gotten cold. 

"Yeh." Rogue nodded, looking up sadly and trying to pull off a smile. "Do you think this'll work Jean?"

Pausing before she answered, Jean let out a long sigh. "I hope so." she wanted Logan back now more than anything, and even though they were apart, she'd felt a certain amount of closeness towards him, a closeness even more so than she'd ever felt with Scott.

Rogue stood up, stuffing gloved hands into the pockets of her jeans. "Well, here goes nothin'." she mumbled to herself, following Jean out of the kitchen so they could head to the airport and catch their plane.

  
  
***** 

Loud echoeing footsteps caused Logan to come out of his daze and stop staring at the wall, trying to forget his hunger. He only hoped that the orderly making their way toward his cell was bringing food, but his nose told him he was wrong. _'Lousy bastards, what the hell do they want this time?' _he thought bitterly, a low grumble escaping his lips. 

Logan glanced to his right at the floor just outside the glass wall, staring at the grey pant leg of the orderly's uniform, along with a pair of black shoes that could really use a shine. 

"Sorry pal, I didn't come ta bring ya any food." Lenny told him with an almost sincere smile of sympathy, knowing what Logan was hoping for. He stared down at the straightjacket clad mutant sitting on the floor.

With a long sigh, Logan raised his head slowly to glance up at Lenny with a questioning look across his features.

"The good news though," Lenny started, shaking a small plastic cup in one hand, and holding another filled with water in the other, "is that since you weren't really fightin' anyone earlier, the doc's figured I could give ya pills instead of your usual shot o' meds." 

Logan just stared at Lenny without a word as he knelt down and opened a slot at the bottom of the door, then pushed the pills and cup of water through. He raised one eyebrow at Lenny, wondering how the dumbass thought he'd be able to take the pills with a straightjacket on.

"Oh..._Dammit_." the orderly grumbled, realizing what he had done. He sighed loudly, cursing himself as he pulled some keys from his belt and opened the cell room door. Stepping to the side of Logan, Lenny lightly slapped at the back of his head. "Lean forward." he ordered.

Logan did as he was told, trying not to move as the disgruntled orderly undid the closings on his straightjacket.

"You better not try anythin' now, ya hear?" Lenny said sternly, getting a snort from the mutant. "Now take them meds."

Logan stayed low to the floor, reaching for the pills as he tossed his head back and emptied the cup into his mouth, then gulped down the water. He stared at the orderly, who seemed to be watching him in expectation.

Logan returned to his seat on the floor against the wall, then tucked the pills in the corner of his lower lip, opening his mouth and sticking out his tongue so it looked as if he'd swallowed them.

Lenny nodded, falling for the trick. "Alrighty, well I'm off." he smirked, roughing up Logan's hair before walking out of the cell and locking the door, not bothering to strap up his straightjacket again.

With a minimal snarl and turning away from the camera across the hall, Logan pushed his back against the wall to help him stand. He slowly shuffled toward the back of the cell where the sink was, and spit the pills in it, watching as they went down the drain. Jean and Rogue would be back, they promised they would be. When they did come back, Logan didn't want to be drugged up, he wanted to be thinking completely clear and remember every moment with them to possibly gain some of his memory back.

  
  
***** 


	7. Punishment

**Note: **Thanks for the awesome reviews everyone!!! YAY! I'm happy, my muse is happy, we're all happy! YAY! x_0; man that was cheesy. Heh...er.. *passes out boxes of milk duds*   
  
**Institutionalized: Chapter 7-Punishment**   
  
***** 

"Ladies, you know...I don't recall asking the two of you how you are in relation to the patient. Your, so called, _Logan_." Mr. Cross said with a snide look on his face as they entered the institution and passed through security guards and metal detectors as Jean and Rogue had the first time they were there.

_~Do ya think he knows somethin's up?~ _Rogue sent to Jean, knowing the redhead was keeping an open link between them while they were inside. She nervously fiddled with her gloves, trailing a little behind and keeping her head bowed.

_~I have an idea Rogue, don't worry. Just go along with it.~ _Jean replied, then smiled at Mr. Cross as she stepped in beside him. "That's because you never asked." she said with a lightness in her voice. Then her tone got more serious, and even solemn. "He's my husband." she told the man, catching the brief shock of surprise through her link with Rogue before gesturing toward the girl. "And this is his sister, _Marie_."

"Ah, I see then." Mr. Cross nodded, his hands behind his back properly, almost as if he were a butler. 

Rogue kept her mouth shut during Jean's talk, not wanting to accidently go against something she'd said, or was about to say.

"What I didn't tell you on our last visit," Jean continued, more confidence in her voice as she grasped at information that made sense for her lies. "was that my husband has had..._'episodes' _before, much like the one you described to me on how he arrived here. I wasn't sure about this place, that's why I hadn't mentioned it before."

Rogue nodded, catching on to what Jean was trying to do. Like the Professor said, they had to make Mr. Cross believe that they wanted to keep Logan in the institution to get him _'well'_. "Yeh, we realize that my brother _is _sick, and we've decided we want to get him help _now_."

_'Good job Rogue, make it believable.' _Jean thought to herself with a faint smile. "We were trying to hide it for so long." she said sadly, forcing her eyes to tear as she looked at the eerie man beside her.

Mr. Cross just nodded, not really believing a single thing they were saying. John Wraith, the man that paid him to keep _'Weapon-X' _at the hospital had never mentioned anything about _'family' _that might be looking for him.

Mr. Cross stopped at the next door, a sign on it proclaiming that it was **Cell Block-C**. "Here is where you go in. A guard will you take you to the patient's room." he announced, opening the door to allow Jean and Rogue to pass through.

Jean hesitantly stepped inside, followed by Rogue. The door closed behind them and they were left standing in a spacious hallway, with dull green tiled floors and stained white walls. A tall guard with buzzed blonde hair and bright pinkish skin approached them, gesturing for them to follow him.

"This way." he said in a monotone voice before turning down the hall, his shoes making _'clip-clack' _noises on the floor tiles.

  
***** 

Logan was huddled in a corner of his cell on the metal bed, his arms wrapped tightly around himself in the unbuckled straightjacket, the only thing keeping him warm. He took in a shuddering breath as he shivered, barely paying attention to the three sets of footsteps making their way toward his room.

The pink-faced guard pulled out a set of keys from the back of his belt and unlocked the bullet-proof glass door to allow them to step inside before re-locking it.

"Thank you." Jean said curtly, turning to the guard that had led herself and Rogue to the room. She nodded in a way that told the man they'd be fine, also an indication for him to leave.

Rogue stared at Logan as he remained curled up on the bed. She wasn't sure if he was drugged at the moment, especially since he wouldn't even look up at them. She couldn't be sure he even knew they were there.

Jean felt tears reach her eyes at the sight of Logan, and she wished she could take him out of the awful place right at that moment instead of waiting like the Professor had told them. "Logan?" she called out gently, then decided a telepathic approach to let him know what was going on. _~Logan, it's Jean. Rogue and I are both here.~_

His head snapped up abruptly, wide, red-rimmed eyes staring with surprise and confusion. Logan's eyebrows furrowed for a moment, then a smile of rememberance crossed over his face and he straightened himself on the bed so his feet hung over the side. He opened his mouth to speak, then remembered the guards that could've been listening close by, and switched to a telepathic reply. _~Sorry, I musta...zoned out there. I remember yer a telepath now.~_

Jean smiled, looking to Rogue with a nod to tell her that everything was alright.

Rogue fidgeted a bit, smiling to Logan before she backed toward the door of the cell. "Hey, I'm jus' gonna let ya'll talk by yurselves." she told them, her southern accent ever so noticeable with her nervousness. _'Looks like them two really need the talkin'. I'll get my chance ta visit with Logan later.' _she thought to herself, then called for the guard and waited for him to let her out and lock the door again before walking out of the cell block.

Jean felt tears coming to her eyes as she sat on the cold metal bed beside Logan, really getting a good look at him. "You're so pale." she said softly, gently brushing her hand over the side of his stubbly face. 

"Haven't really...gotten anythin' ta eat." he mumbled lowly.

With a frown, Jean gently picked up his cuffed hand, holding it lovingly in both of her own. "I have to tell you something." she whispered, then pulling her hands away she tapped the side of her head, receiving a nod of understanding from Logan. _~Do you remember Professor Xavier?~_

Logan stared blankly for a moment, trying to gather the fragments of memories that seemed to have been returning to him little by little. _~Bald guy, right?~_

Jean smiled, with a light telepathic laugh. _~Yes. That's Charles. He's going to help us get you out of here Logan. Tomorrow evening, Rogue and I are going to be visiting again. We'll be staying close by in a hotel room tonight so that it won't take us as long to get here. Charles will be meeting us and he's going to **'convince' **Mr. Cross to release you to us.~_

Logan raised an eyebrow thoughtfully. _~What do you mean?~_

Closing her eyes for a moment, Jean remained patient as she had forgotten that Logan didn't remember everything about the school yet. Considering what Charles had told her and the others about his mental breakdown when he was brought back to Weapon-X, Jean had to admit she was impressed he could already recall as much as he did. _~Professor Xavier is a telepath, a very powerful one. Although it's against his ethics to tamper with anyone's mind, he feels like this is an extreme situation where it would be necessary. He's going to make Mr. Cross release you, and exterminate any records of you here. Do you understand now?~_

With a simple nod, Logan didn't bother a telepathic reply. 

Jean continued explaining to him what she and Rogue had cooked up, so incase Mr. Cross or anyone said something to him about a _'wife' _or _'sister'_, he wouldn't be surprised. Though it embarassed her, she thought it better to tell him. _~Logan, just so there's no surprises later...~ _Jean started, feeling her cheeks begin to flush a little, _~Mr. Cross thinks I'm your wife, and Rogue's your sister Marie.~_

Logan raised his head and looked at Jean with a tired smirk. Depsite his healing factor, without food to fuel it, he was still lacking a bit in energy. With the mention of Jean as his wife, something in Logan's head clicked, and shocking Jean with the abrupt change in subject he asked, "Do you love him?"

"What?" Jean looked at him wide-eyed, almost nervously as if she was afraid of something he might have remembered.

"Scott." he said frankly, suddenly remembering the name of the man with the strange glasses that seemed to be in the way of his apparent love for Jean.

"I, well...you see-" Jean started, then decided it best to change the subject. She couldn't really define her relationship with Scott at the moment, and she didn't want to emotionally upset Logan since it seemed he was slowly recovering from the mental lapse he suffered while back at the Weapon-X facility. "Do you want me to try and get the orderlies to give you some food?"

Logan noticed the awkward need for a change in subject, but at the mention of speaking to the orderlies his head immediately shot up at attention. "No, **don't**." he said almost sternly, causing Jean to give him a funny look.

"Why...not?" she asked slowly with a look of concerned curiosity.

With a long sigh and a silent moment, Logan's eyes dulled in shame as he whispered, "_Punishment_."

Jean cocked her head to the side, moving a little closer to Logan and gently putting a friendly hand on his shoulder. "What? They're not feeding you as _punishment_?" she whispered, concerned. 

"Among another things." Logan mumbled lowly, thinking about the blinding room treatment that he'd received early that morning.

"But punishment for what?" Jean pressed on, the worried look in her eyes making them water as she grew fearful. 

Logan gave a tired shrug. "Some...guy, Cross I think. He said it was...fer rememberin'." he mumbled with a yawn. The lack of food and energy was really taking it's toll on him and he felt like he was about to pass out. The only problem with that was that he didn't want to miss one minute with Jean. He wanted to know her, really know her. He wanted to get to know her all over again if that's what it took. He wanted to remember everything about her. Every minute, every second he'd ever had with her. He just wanted to be around her, to feel her closeness.

Jean suddenly ran a hand along his forehead, seemingly startling him a bit. "Sorry." she smiled tightly, slowly pulling her hand back to let it rest on her lap. 

Logan let out a soft grunt, blinking rapidly all of a sudden in a strain to keep awake. 

"You're tired, you need sleep." Jean said with a lighter smile. "And food." she frowned, slowly standing up. With severe concern for his health, Jean was beginning to fear the worst if they waited any longer in liberating him from this mental hospital. _~I'm calling the Professor right away Logan.~ _she told him telepathically. _~We're getting you out of here tonight.~_

"Okay." Logan tilted his head and half smiled, slumping down on his side on the cold metal bed and falling asleep as Jean got up to leave.

  
  
***** 

After exiting the cell block, Jean snagged an eager Rogue by the arm and dragged her down the long hall. "Alright, I have to talk to you _now_."

"What?!" Rogue asked, bewildered. "But, I wanna go talk with Logan." she started, a little angered that Jean had spoken with him for so long and now she wasn't able to speak with him at all. There was so much she wanted to say, to help him remember.

A guard approached the two in an attempt to escort them out of the hospital, but Jean waved him off, proclaiming she new the way out. 

Looking back to Rogue, she nudged her arm gently and projected her thoughts to her. _~We're getting Logan out of here tonight.~_

_~What?!~ _Rogue esclaimed telepathically, wide eyes staring at the redhead walking beside her. _~I thought we had everythin' planned fur t'morrow afternoon?~_

Jean nodded. _~We did. I just can't bear to see Logan this way any longer, they're punishing him and not allowing him anything to eat. He needs energy for his healing factor to feed off of. It's really draining him and we have to get him out.~_ not giving Rogue a chance to speak, she continued on. _~We're getting him out of this place tonight, and that's final.~_

  
  
*****   
**Note: **Review! Pwetty pwease? *gives big cheesy grin* 


	8. Cause For Leave

**Note: **The lyrics in this chapter are from _'The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot' _by Brand New.   
**2nd Note: **The part written completely in _italics _is a memory/dream/flashback. Oh yeh, and I kinda forgot about poor Kurt...so let's just say he went back to Germany for a time. Good enough? Well...it is for me an' my muse...deal. x_-   
  
**Institutionalized: Chapter 8-Cause For Leave**   
  
*****   
  
_If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand.   
I hope you find out what you want.   
I already know what I am.   
  
And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again.   
And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. _   
  
*****   
  
_Not long after the events at Alkali Lake... _

Logan paced in front of the danger room, debating whether or not to go in. He'd already been in there for almost four hours early that morning, but right now he felt about going back into the ring. Hands clenched by his sides, Logan stopped moving to stare at the door, not noticing the the person that came behind him until a hand gently rested on his shoulder. He turned around sharply, glaring at the person who dared to bother him. Staring at the face before him, his features softened a little, but there was a distinctive hurt look in his eyes. "Jean."

She smiled tightly, pulling her hand off his shoulder as he turned completely to face her. "Logan," Jean sighed. "how are you? I mean...you haven't talked to anyone in so long, about what happened...or anything." she said softly.

He sighed, breathing in sharply and backing away from her. Logan could sense the concern in her voice, but why did she care? She loved Scott, she already told him that. He wasn't the 'good guy', she couldn't be with him. "I...I can't." he turned sharply and began walking away.

"Logan don't do this!" Jean had called after him.

"Why do you care? Go be with **Him**!" he hollered back at her, angrily stomping down the metallic hallways in the lower levels of the mansion.

Right after that, Logan had burst into Professor Xavier's office, practically begging for an assignment that would take him away from the mansion. That's when he received the mission to go to the lake, and he'd taken off as quickly as possible, without saying goodbye to anyone.

  
  
***** 

Logan woke up panting, his eyes wide and staring around in the darkened cell. He shook his head, running a hand over his face to clear away the sweat. He had to blink several times to shake the feeling of vertigo, but after sitting still for awhile it passed. 

Shivering and wrapping his arms around himself, Logan flung his feet over the side of the metal bed onto the cold floor. He remembered now, why he had left the nice mansion with the people he knew. And now that he remembered, he cursed himself for being so hot-headed. Logan was now feeling conflicting emotions between telling Jean that he loved her, and leaving her alone to be with the man _she _supposedly loved. He just wanted her to be happy.

With a heavy sigh, he stood up slowly and began walking in circles around the cell in an attempt to warm himself up. He was still feeling weakened without having any food in him, but he vaguely remembered Jean telling him that he would be getting out of the hospital tonight, and Logan believed her. He had to believe her, because believing in the woman he loved, even if she didn't love him back, was keeping him sane, keeping him from falling back into that feral, drugged-up state where everything was a blank to him.

  
  
*****   
  
_I'll grow old and start acting my age.   
I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate.   
  
A crown of gold.   
A heart that's harder than stone.   
And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone.   
  
Call me a safe bet.   
I'm betting I'm not.   
I'm glad that you can forgive.   
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget. _   
  
***** 

It was getting cold, and a light frost lingered on the grass all around the institution. Rogue shivered in her leather X-Men uniform, though it _was _insulated and she wasn't shivering from cold. This place just plain gave her the creeps. "Jean, the Professor actually authorized this?" she questioned in a whisper.

Jean walked calmly toward her as quietly as possible. They had parked their car on the street just out of the way of the institution's parking lot, and were now creeping their way toward the hulking building. "_Yes _Rogue, don't worry." Jean assured her.

"Shouldn't we wait until he gets here?" the girl questioned cautiously. She wanted more than anything to bust Logan out of there, but it being only herself and Jean storming in there like protective mother bears gone berserk, Rogue wasn't so sure how well it would turn out.

Jean shook her head and kept moving, using her telekinesis to short out the security cameras and perimeter sensors around the building.

  
  
***** 

Logan continued the rhythmic pacing circles in his cell, beginning to wonder whether Jean and Rogue were really breaking him out like they'd said. He took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself and keep thinking that he was going to be free.

Sensitive ears twitched suddenly at a distant sound, and Logan stopped immediately and moved to the front of his cell, pressing his metal-cuffed hands up against the bullet-proof glass. He raised an eyebrow curiously and tilted his head up against the glass so he could see down the hallway where the cell block door was. 

Suddenly an earth shattering boom shook the hall as the door at the end burst open, allowing a sandstorm of flame to rage through. 

Logan fell back from the force of the blast, then scrambled to his feet and rushed back to the glass. He peered down the hall with his head pressed against the lucid wall, squinting from the heat and smoke that got into the ventilation holes and burned his eyes. For a moment Logan thought it was Jean and Rogue that had broken in, but his hopes faltered when a somewhat familiar looking blue uniform clad patient stepped into the cell block over the broken door. He sighed, letting his head thump against the glass, disheartened.

"Weeeeeee're havin' a hot one today folks!!" the insane mutant flame-wielder jeered as he strolled down the corridor. A terribly mad grin was splayed across his pale face as he began to skip from one cell door to the other, peering inside. 

Logan watched with a raised eyebrow, wondering what the hell this nutso thought he was doing. There was currently no one else in his cell block beside himself, since this fiery mutant normally was kept there and he was obviously out, and one other mutant had been taken away for medical treatments. Logan had never bothered to pay too much attention to the other patients in the building, but he had always throught there was something especially not right about this one. 

"_Burn baby burn, **disco inferno**_!!!" the patient sang loudly and terribly off-key. He grinned wildly, approaching Logan's cell and running a hand through his short dark brown hair. "Heya, heya maaaan." he waved at Logan, flames flicking off the tips of his fingers. "The name's Jethro, an' flames and explosions are my specialty!!! **WAHAHAHAHA**!!!"

Staring back at the guy, Logan pressed his hand up against the glass and gave a sideways glance to the lock on the door, as if asking the guy to break him free. Maybe Jean and Rogue were having trouble getting in, and if so, he'd have to make his way to them.

Jethro stared at the locked door with a grin. "Want out? Do ya? Do ya? _Do ya_?" he sang annoyingly, eyes sparking with wild fire and the purest insanity.

Logan just grunted, then sharply glanced back at where the cell block door was and growled. "_Guards_." he muttered, getting the insane firefly to look.

Jethro began jumping up and down almost giddily. "Let's fry us up some guardy boys!" his eyes widened as he stared at the guards who came running in through the firey hole. "Bye bye!!!" with a flick of his hand and a twitch of his eye, the entire wall near the door exploded, sending bits of concrete everywhere.

Logan felt the floor shake and was thrown back again. He quickly got up with some effort, adrenaline giving him energy that his system lacked. He stared thoughtfully at the fire caused by the mutant, tilting his head to the side. It reminded him of something, a mutant he knew? 

**"BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!" **Jethro cheered as he began doing a _'hokey-pokey' _sort of dance, spinning in a circle. 

Before Logan could put any more thought into the memory, he watched Jethro touch the door hinges and they melted like chocolate under a flame, causing the door to fall flat into the cell. Logan grunted as he stepped out of the cell, pulling off his unbuckled straightjacket that was unnessesary with the new found heat in the cell block. He tossed it to the floor, running down the opposite side of the hall which stopped in a dead end, dragging Jethro with him.

"Hey, _hey_, where you takin' me mountain man? The door's _that-a-way_." the firey mutant protested, pointing to where the explosion engulfed half the corridor. "I won't get burnt to a crisp!" he grinned proudly, as if that was the other mutant's worry.

"But _I _will." Logan grunted, still pulling the reluctant crazy man behind him. "Now blow the wall so we c'n get outta here."

"Ooook!!" Jethro grinned, his eyes getting wild and firey as he cracked his knuckles. "Big, _big _explosion time!!"

Logan noticed the strange look in the other man's eyes, realizing that what he'd just asked Jethro to do was a big mistake. He was going to make a big explosion alright, _too _big. "_No **wait!!**_" Logan started, but it was too late.

  
  
*****   
  
**Note: **Cliffhanger!!! MWAHAHAHA. x_0 *laughs evilly and runs off with muse* 


	9. Ashes

**Note: **The lyrics in this chapter are from _'Ashes' _by Socialburn.   
  
**Institutionalized: Chapter 9-Ashes**   
  


*****   
  
_Here I sit   
Waiting for you with a cold cup of coffee   
And a burnt cigarette   
That has fallen like ashes   
Slowly from me   
I search myself alone   
  
Here I sit   
Waiting for you with a suitcase packed   
And an eight by ten   
That reminds me of ashes   
It's grey and faded   
I search myself alone_   
  
*****

A great big firey explosion errupted, shaking the entire building. There was a tremendous boom, making it seem for a long time that everything turned black and white in a big puff of smoke and nothing moved.

"Oh God." Jean gasped, bracing herself against a wall as they entered the building.

Rogue froze for a second before she mimicked her teammate's actions and braced herself due to the shaking and the loud, frightening sound. "What the hell was _that_?!"

Putting her hands to her temples to scan the area, Jean's eyes widened and she turned to Rogue with a worried look on her face. "_An explosion_." she whispered, gaining a new sense of dread and taking off down the corridors in a run, shorting out surveilance equipment along the way.

  
  
***** 

A hazy, thick, black, screen of smoke and debris engulfed **Cell Block-C **from the explosion. There were hunks of wall and ceiling scattered everywhere, and some parts of the corridor remained on fire. Almost every cell on the block was destroyed from flames, all except for the cell that Jethro was supposed to be in, because the locked room was fire-proof due to his unique abilities. It was unsure exactly how he had gotten out and even been able to use his powers, but the fact was that he was probably off his meds and had escaped while being taken to the showers or something.

A pile of rubble near the enormous hole where the recent explosion took place started to shake, a muffled groan escaping the dirt, debris, and flame. Logan pushed more of the broken up concrete and ceiling off his fallen body as he tried to free himself, coughing from all the dust and smoke.

Logan shakily got to his feet, continuing to cough from the smoke. He tilted his neck to the side until it cracked loudly, and he had to brace himself against the wall because of shaky legs. He then realized that his hands were burned, and the bubbly, scarred skin hurt like hell, especially with the metal cuffs still rubbing against the tender flesh. Logan looked himself over, noticing his badly burned chest which had received most of the blast from the explosion since he was facing the wall that blew. He felt scrapes and gashes along his back from the chunk of ceiling and roof that had collapsed on him, and knew that his healing factor was working at a snail's pace since he had no fuel for his system.

Struggling to get to his feet, Logan peered with narrowed eyes through the smoke in search of the fiery mutant that had caused the big boom. Because of all the smoke, he couldn't use his sense of smell to detect if Jethro was around, but he had a feeling he was alright and had taken off. Stepping out of the rubble he had all around him, Logan pressed his scarred bare feet on the ugly green tiles. The floor felt hot to the soles of his feet, still burnt like the rest of him and the entire corridor, from the flames that flickered in random places all around.

  
  
***** 

"Come on Rogue, here's his cell block!!" Jean shouted anxiously as they approached the door that had long since been blown apart. She coughed, putting a cupped hand over her mouth and using her other arm to screen out the smoke over her eyes. 

Rogue ran after her, the leather uniform making her sweat, but protecting her skin from the harsh flames as they ran into the smoke-filled hall through the space where the door used to be. 

The lingering thick black smoke was overpowering, and Jean had to create a telekinetic field around herself and Rogue so they'd have breathable air. All she could do was think about Logan being trapped in this. Stepping over debris and walking past the empty cell where Logan should have been, Jean spotted a staggering figure where most of the flames and smoke were coming from.

"Jean?" Rogue started, noticing the same thing that her teammate was looking at. "Is it him?" she asked urgently, afraid that it wasn't.

Jean silently moved forward, urging Rogue to stay close so she could keep her in the telekinetic air bubble. Once getting through the smoke and more debris, she was sure who it was. "Logan!" Jean cried, rushing towards him and opening the air bubble quickly to allow him access, trying hard to keep the smoke from following him in.

Coughing harshly and dropping to his knees, Logan wiped the dust from his eyes to make sure that the people he was hearing and seeing were real and that he wasn't imagining it. "_Jean?...Rogue_?" he called out weakly.

With a relieved sigh, Rogue smiled greatfully. "Yeh Logan, we're here ta get'cha out."

"I thought...I was gonna...gonna hafta start..lookin' fer ya...myself." he managed to get out through coughing fits.

Jean smiled with hot tears trailing down her cheeks as she knelt beside Logan, noticing his scrapes and burns. She gently touched his shoulder, a part of his body that hadn't been scarred by burns and was barely scraped. "Logan you're badly burned. These haven't healed yet?"

He shook his head side to side slowly, looking up and seeing Rogue's concerned face as she hovered behind Jean. "Healin'...slowed down. No..energy." he said slowly, grimacing as he managed to get to his feet. He barely noticed his faded blue pants, torn and burned in a dozen places. Logan looked up sharply when his sensitive ears picked up a distant sound from outside.

"What is it?" Rogue asked, looking behind her to check for guards. Luckily, none of the guards or orderlies were brave enough to enter this tunnel of fire, or they'd have more problems then they could handle.

"Sirens." Logan coughed out before clearing his dry, scratchy throat.

"The fire department." Jean confirmed out loud, mostly to herself. If so, that might actually give the three of them a way out. With firemen rushing in to evacuate everyone, they might be able to get away unnoticed with all the scuffle. "We have to leave.._right now_." she told both Rogue and Logan, looking to each of them with glazed and determined green eyes.

Rogue sadly glanced down at Logan's bare feet. "Jean, his feet look pretty bad, can he even walk?" she asked nervously.

Logan grunted and began stepping forward slowly without any help. "I'll manage, as long as..we get outta here."

Jean nodded, and she and Rogue immediately got on either side of Logan and draped one of his arms over their shoulders to help him along.

Grimacing at every step he took, with some help Logan managed to hobble along the way Jean and Rogue had entered the building, protected by the telepath's TK shield.

  
  
***** 

Outside the psychiatric hospital, the atmosphere was loud and chaotic. Patients were kept in small groups with orderlies and guards, some being taken into ambulances for injuries or to be controlled. There was shouting and confusion, firemen and paramedics rushing all over the place, heading in the building to contain the devastating fire.

Jean, Rogue, and Logan snuck around the back of the building as they made their way to the car on the street away from all the commotion. Just to be absolutely safe, Jean put a telepathic cloak around the three of them so that if anyone looked their way, they wouldn't see anything but air. 

Jean noticed a very furious looking Mr. Cross standing outside near a fire truck with his arms crossed, shaking his head at the destruction. She couldn't help but smile wryly at the thought of him realizing he'd lost such a valuable patient when it was all done. No matter though, because Professor Xavier would take care of everything.

"Hey Jean, what ever happened ta the Professor? He's still comin' right?" Rogue asked as they helped Logan lay across the back seat of the car before he passed out from exhaustion.

Lost in her own thoughts, Jean looked to Rogue, closing the back door of the car and walking around to get into the driver's seat. "Huh? Oh, he's going to pick us up at the hotel. He wasn't able to get here in time." she tapped the side of her head. "I contacted him when we got here, luckily we didn't need his help getting Logan out. We will need him tomorrow though to explain why Logan's gone missing from the hospital." she received a nod from Rogue as she started up the car and quickly began driving away. 

Jean couldn't help but glance back at Logan lying asleep in the backseat, feeling a little guilty about what had happened to him. After all, it was the fact that she had previously loved Scott and not him that drove Logan away. Jean had to wonder though, now that she and Scott had been drifting apart...was Logan a possibility as her new love? Or had Jean always left part of her heart with him? 

  
  
  


_Cause there's always somebody   
Who's out there waiting for someone to take them away   
If I search long enough   
I might find that someone   
Waiting to take me away   
........yeah but not today_   
  
*****


	10. I Never Said

**Note: **The lyrics in this chapter are from _'Everyone' _by Socialburn.   
**2nd Note: **Wow, I didn't know you guys would like Jethro so much. Haha. lol. Because of that, you'll find out what happened to him later on..Don'tcha worry now! *grins*   
  
**Institutionalized: Chapter 10-I Never Said...**   
  
  
  


_How was I to know you'd ever leave   
How was I to know you cared for me   
When every time I looked at you   
You acted like I was a fool   
How was I to know the truth   
  
With all the times you ran away   
I never thought that you would say   
I'm the one who's lonely now   
And all the times I never said I love you   
Now you're in the bed with somebody and everyone else_   
  
*****

With Logan back at the mansion now, things had considerably gotten somewhat less tense. That is, except around Scott and Jean. In that grey area things had been a little _more _tense. 

It was early morning and Jean had spent all her time back in the med lab. She'd treated Logan for most of his burns that hadn't yet healed, but the scrapes on his back he'd received had gone away already, only leaving light pink scars behind that would eventually go away too. Jean had hooked him up to plenty of IV fluids that would replenish his system and kick up his healing factor again. Now she just sat there beside his bed, staring and trying to organize her thoughts.

Ororo elegantly walked into the med lab, approaching Jean quietly and laying a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder. "Jean, are you alright?"

"Huh?" shaking her head and looking up to the side, Jean smiled wanly and nodded. "Yes Ororo, I'm fine. Thank you."

Changing the subject, the Weather Goddess pulled her hand away and announced why she had come down to the infirmary in the first place. "Charles told me you could use someone who knew how to pick locks. I can." she stated plainly with a smile.

Jean's delicate eyebrows furrowed in surprise. "Really?" a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth.

"_Yes_." Ororo nodded with a wry smile. Her lock-picking skills was something she had pretty much never mentioned, even to close friends such as Jean. "Now what is it that requires my attention?"

Frowning slowly, Jean stood next to Logan's bed, gently lifting one of his metal-cuffed hands. "I need to get these off so I can treat the burns on his hands."

Without questioning the strange metal closings over Logan's knuckles, Ororo raised an eyebrow and then walked toward a drawer, digging through for medical equipment she could use to pick the locks. She smiled upon finding the right instruments, then turned to Jean. "Why don't you get yourself something to eat while I take care of this."

Jean sighed, reluctantly walking towards the med lab door. "Alright, thanks 'Ro." pausing for a moment as she remembered something, Jean turned back to Ororo. "Oh, if Logan wakes up, just be careful because he might not realize where he is. He still doesn't quite remember everything that's happened before he left."

Ororo nodded with a smile. "Don't worry, I'll contact you or Charles if anything happens."

Jean returned the smile and slowly, somewhat nervously, left the med lab. She was hungry and really needed a break from the infirmary, but what Jean didn't want was to run into Scott right now. She was having mixed emotions at the moment and didn't feel like being badgered about her decisions about the mission and everything.

  
  
***** 

The recreation room was fairly quiet this early in the morning, the only two occupants in there being Bobby and Rogue.

Snuggling closer to her boyfriend on the couch, Rogue smiled contently, gently holding Bobby's hand in her gloved one. "Didja miss me?" she asked teasingly.

Bobby half smiled. "What do you think?" he smirked. He hadn't slept since Rogue left to go rescue Logan with Jean, and upon her arrival back to the mansion he'd jumped at the chance to spend more time with her and immediately met her in the rec room. 

Getting serious, Bobby tilted his head, craning his neck so he could look into Rogue's calming murky green eyes. "So, what's goin' on...I mean, now that you've got Logan back here?"

Rogue's eyebrows knit together as she focused on his icey blue eyes. "What do you mean?" she paused, waiting for an answer, then after a moment spoke before Bobby had the chance, finding the answer herself. "Oh," Rogue laughed a little, smiling. "Everythin's fine Bobby, I love _you _ya goof."

Bobby sighed in a relieved sort of way, but then grinned and rolled his eyes. "I know...it's just that you were acting all different when Logan wasn't here."

"_I'm sorry_." she said in a quiet whisper, her eyes casting downwards. "I jus' worry 'bout him sometimes. He can get himself in prety big messes and I jus' want him ta know that there're people that care 'bout him. Sometimes he don't know that." she paused, seeing her boyfriend frown a little. "Logan's my _friend _Bobby, I love him that way; like a brother even. But I'll _never _love him the way I love _you_. That's diff'rent." Rogue smiled, her eyes meeting his again. 

Bobby grinned, wrapping his arms tighter around her and gently resting his cheek against the top of her head, very well aware that if he accidently touched a part of his girlfriend's skin it would most definetly cause him harm. "I love you too, Rogue."

  
  
***** 

Weary eyes opened slowly and unfocused to stare at a familiar looking environment. Logan sat up quickly, nervously as he tried to remember. At first glance he thought he was back at the institution, but a light, soothing voice assured him that he wasn't.

"Logan? It's _okay_, Rogue and I brought you back to the mansion." Jean coaxed as she slowly stepped back into the med lab, sensing his concern. On her way down there she had passed Ororo, who had told her she'd successfully removed the metal cuffs.

Logan grimaced, laying back on the bed when he realized he could be a little more at ease. His chest still stung, despite it being wrapped and treated for the burns, and his quick motions when he sat up in alarm didn't help. 

Logan's hands twitched reflexively as he felt a weight had been lifted off. He raised them to his face and noticed the metal cuffs were gone. Despite wanting to release his claws just to feel them again, he didn't, knowing that it would just aggrivate the unhealed burns on his hands and cause him more pain.

Jean frowned, noticing as Logan examined his hands. She partially smiled at him as his gaze shifted to her and she focused on his dark hazel eyes. "Ororo was able to pick the locks on your knuckle cuffs." she told him, dragging her gaze from his eyes and looking to his hands. 

"Mm." Logan nodded, staring at his hands again, then he looked up with a raised eyebrow as he tilted his head to the side. "'Ro?" he whispered hesitantly, his shortened form of the name _'Ororo' _suddenly coming to him, though he couldn't quite grasp the memory of her.

"Do you remember?" Jean asked him quietly, descretely grabbing a stool that was on wheels, and sitting down beside the medical bed. She noticed Logan's unsure expression, his brows knitting together as his eyes glazed over, trying to pry deep into his mind and find the memory.

"_Nnh_..." he began to mumble, before focusing back on Jean's eyes. "Not...really." Logan admitted sadly.

An understanding smile spread over Jean's face as she stood and walked to a nearby drawer, pulling something out. "That's okay, I'm sure you'll remember it all in time."

Logan nodded, though he knew she meant he'd remember everything _before _the Mutant Psychiatric Institution and _after _Weapon-X. Suddenly he remembered Weapon-X, the experiment he'd ended up being the subject of. He knew that being there had made him loose all his memories before that. But _why _could he remember something that happened so long ago, but not remember arriving at this mansion with all these people, something that was more recent? It really _was _a funny thing, how the mind worked.

Jean picked up on Logan's surface thoughts, then gently called his name to make him snap out of his unfocused stare. "Logan." his eyes fixed on her again and she held up a small tube. "I need to put some of this burn ointment on your hands."

"Huh?" his eyes widened and he cocked his head to the side. "Oh." Logan moved his left hand that was closest to her, setting it carefully on the side of the bed to allow Jean easy access to it.

She smiled softly, then put some of the ointment on her fingertips before gently reaching forward and applying it to Logan's burns.

Logan winced a little at the touch to the raw skin, but the burning, tingling sensation was soon replaced with a nice cooling feeling, and a relieved sigh escaped his lips.

"Feels better, doesn't it?" Jean smiled at him, then stood and walked around the bed to get to his other hand. 

"Yeh." Logan replied roughly with a half smile. He felt somewhat embarrassed by the way he'd left the mansion from what he remembered, but still, Logan knew Jean didn't know he remembered that part quite yet. He just wanted to be around her, no matter how arrogant and pig-headed he'd been when he left. Logan couldn't help but wonder if Jean was warming up to him, especially since he hadn't spotted the _one-eye _man he'd remembered as Scott, hanging around her. Though it was true he had only woken up a little while ago. He'd have to see how things went.

After applying burn ointment to both hands and wrapping them, Jean checked his IV tube, making sure Logan was getting all the fluids he needed. She realized that he must have been starving, and hesitantly began to leave the med lab. "I'll go get you something to eat." she smiled at his silent nod, then stepped out into the hall, the med lab doors whispering quietly as she left. 

Jean was still worried about running into Scott, though she knew she'd have to face him eventually and make a decision for herself. Stay with Scott and mend things between them, or develop a relationship with Logan? The problem with that was, Jean didn't want to make it seem like she was taking advantage of the fact that Logan didn't remember everything yet. Of course she could help him with his recovery first (which she'd planned on anyway...as a friend), then maybe something would happen between them? _'Not now'_, Jean shook her head as she picked up her pace down the hall, figuring she would work everything out later. But still the question remained...Scott or Logan? Or was that neither?

  
  
***** 


	11. Fade Away

**Note: **The lyrics this chapter are from _Fade Away _by Seether.   
  
**Institutionalized: Chapter 11-Fade Away**   
  


_I wanna be there when you call   
I wanna catch you when you fall   
I wanna be the one you need   
I wanna be the one you breathe   
  
Today's the day we'll fade away oh   
Today's the day we'll fade away oh   
Today's the day we'll find our way grown   
Today's the day we'll fade away_

Making her way back to the med lab without any trouble running into anyone, Jean carried a tray of food, consisting of a sandwich, a bowl of chicken soup, and some water. She smiled at Logan as he glanced over at her from the bed, blinking tiredly, even though the fluids he was being given had greatly replenished his system and had energized him some. Jean reclaimed her seat beside the bed, carefully setting down the tray on the table next to it. "I brought you a sandwich and some soup." 

A partial grin changed Logan's features and he raised an eyebrow, carefully picking up half the sandwich with a gauze-wrapped hand. Sniffing a few times, he brought the food to his mouth and mumbled, "Ham an' cheese," before taking a satisfied bite.

Jean watched him eat, somewhat interestedly. Realizing that she might be making him uncomfortable by staring, she stood with a smile, then handed Logan his water and started to leave. 

"Where're ya goin'?" Logan asked around a mouthful of food, taking a sip of water before setting it back down on the side table.

"I'm just going to let you eat while I check up on how the Professor is doing at the Psychiatric Institution." she told him, noticing how Logan's face fell at the mention of the hospital. "Oh, and don't eat everything all at once. You haven't eaten that much in a while and it might make you sick." Jean said seriously, pointing to the tray.

Logan nodded, stopping in his dining as he watched her walk out of view. He wanted to go after her, to talk to her more, but he figured she had to do her own thing. Maybe eventually, if Logan thought it was the right moment, he would tell her how he really felt, something he didn't have the courage to do before he went away. Maybe.

  
  
***** 

A large mahogany desk sat in the plain looking office, right in front of a big window that over-looked the back of the mansion's property. Jean stood, leaning against the back wall and looking out of the window. If anyone were to walk in at that moment, they might think she was staring off into space, but she was actually communicating telepathically with Professor Xavier.

_~Charles, how are you doing with Mr. Cross?~ _she asked her mentor tentatively.

_~Everything's fine Jean. I've managed to make him believe that Logan has died during the explosion, and that's what he'll be explaining to this Mr. Wraith, if he ever decides to check up on him.~ _Xavier told her calmly.

Jean nodded to herself in the empty office, glancing up at the sky through the window as it seemed to darken. _~Are you on your way back now?~_

_~Yes, we're returning now that everything's been taken care of. Scott piloted the jet for the trip, so he's with me at the moment in case you were wondering.~_

"_Hmph._" Jean mumbled aloud, covering her mouth and hoping that Charles hadn't picked up on her lingering thoughts. In fact, she hadn't cared much that Scott was with him, she preferred it that way so she wouldn't have to be worried about running into him for awhile. _~I'll see you when you get back. Will you be starting sessions with Logan tomorrow to help him with his memories from before the mission?~_

There was a pause in their mind-link, and Jean couldn't help but wonder what thoughts the Professor was keeping to himself at that moment.

_~Actually, I was thinking that you should be the one to have sessions with him. After all, you and Rogue are the two that Logan remembers the most, you being the obvious choice since Rogue isn't a telepath.~_

Jean stopped before replying, almost shocked at what Charles had suggested. Did he know how she was feeling about Logan? Was he prying into her thoughts or just incredibly perceptive? Maybe it was more noticeable than Jean had originally thought. _~Alright, I'll work with him. Tomorrow then.~ _she finally answered before cutting off the telepathic link.

Stopping in a long, thoughtful pause that she took to stare at the wall, Jean stood there, pondering about vocalizing her feelings. She was pretty sure what she felt now, though she figured waiting until Logan had recovered mentally was a better idea. 

  
  
***** 

Being left by himself in the med lab for awhile, Logan belatedly realized that he'd finished off the whole sandwich and all of the chicken soup. Not really thinking that it would disagree with him, Logan was proved wrong as his stomach made a low gurgling sound, and he found it hard to swallow when his meal started to revisit him.

Flinging bare and bandaged feet over the side of the medical bed, Logan tossed his blankets back, just noticing that he was wearing boxer shorts instead of the raggedy scrubs from the institution. Not really caring about his wardrobe as his stomach lurched again, Logan carefully pulled the IV from his arm, then gently set his feet down on the floor and gritted his teeth as he slowly limped and shuffled toward the med lab's bathroom.

That was where Jean had found him, on his knees, hunched over the toilet and emptying the contents of his stomach into the bowl. Her delicate brows knit together in concern and sympathy as she slowly approached him and gently laid a hand on his unscarred bare back. "You scarfed down all that food, didn't you?" Jean asked gently with a quiet sigh and a grimace. She heard him groan quietly before he started panting a bit in an attempt to stop himself from further throwing up.

Opening the cabinet on the wall, Jean took out a wash cloth and began running it under the sink with some cool water. She watched Logan through the corner of her eye, smiling sympathetically as she wrung out the wet cloth, then gently placed in on the back of his neck. "Feel any better?" she asked softly, rubbing his back in soothing circles.

"_Nnh.._" Logan groaned, putting a hand to the cloth on his neck and pulling it off to wipe his mouth as he completely slumped down on the bathroom floor and leaned against the wall.

Jean crouched beside him and felt his forehead, then stood with her hands on her hips. "Feel like you're gonna throw up again?" she asked, looking for a change in his features.

Forcing back the lump in his throat, Logan shook his head, then carefully began to stand on unsteady legs, taking Jean's hand as she offered to help him up.

After being led back to the medical bed, Logan slowly sipped at his water so he didn't upset his stomach again.

Jean watched as he put his water back down and absently started to gently scratch at the bandage over his chest. She raised an eyebrow, realizing something. Usually wounds got itchy when they were healing. This could be good news. "Logan, would it be okay if I took off the bandages on your chest? I just want to see if the burns have healed at all."

With a half shrug, Logan just nodded noncommitedly.

Smiling tightly, Jean leaned over him and gently pulled the soft gauze from his chest, revealing slightly discolored burnt skin beneath. She frowned with a disheartened sigh, disguarding the old bandages.

"What?" Logan asked gruffly, though he didn't mean to. Glancing down at his own wounds, he raised both eyebrows, gaze drifting toward Jean's soft green eyes, thinking he understood what had changed her features. "_Oh_, I guess I look pretty.._uh_...disgusting huh?"

"Oh!" realizing she'd been staring awkwardly, Jean tried correcting herself. "_No_, it's not that. I'm used to it. I mean..not that I'm used to seeing you and you're _gross_...just that I'm a doctor and-_uh..ergh_!" slapping a hand against her forehead, Jean mentally cursed herself and bit her lower lip. Why the hell was she fumbling so much? It was _just _Logan. She had to remind herself of that. Even if he didn't remember everything, he was still the same old Logan. But...maybe that was the problem. _Same Logan_...the one she had always felt a sort of connection with...an _attraction _even.

Logan chuckled softly at her fumbling, snapping Jean out of her mental debate.

She turned back to him, dragging her hand away from covering her face to notice that he was smirking. Jean sighed with a laugh of her own, shaking her head. She finally sat down on the stool she'd used before, her face turning serious as she frowned slowly. "I was only staring because I thought your burns would have healed more, but it might take all night."

A look of understanding caught in Logan's hazel eyes, and he slowly leaned back against the pillows, feeling his stomach finally start to settle once again. 

Gently patting his hand as she stood up, Jean smiled down at him. "You need to rest. By morning you should be much better. I'm not going to rebandage your chest, it might heal easier without being covered." realizing that his IV tube was no longer in place, she picked up the needle and carefully re-inserted it into his arm.

Not meaning to stare, Logan couldn't help but watch Jean as she left. She was so careful with him, so..._kind_. He didn't know if he'd ever felt that kindness from another human being before, someone who cared so much. 

Closing his eyes slowly, Logan began to nod off, only to hope that Jean would be there when he woke.

  


_I wanna be there when you cry   
And when you're down I'll help you fly   
I wanna be the one you need   
I wanna be the one you breathe_   
  
*****


	12. When It Rains It Pours part 1

**Note: **The lyrics in this chapter are from 'Weathered' by Creed.   
**Sketty**; Along with the good memories comes the bad ones..but don't worry, we can all give Logan hugs after. hehe. *grins* **Angel**; Nope, not the end, doesn't that make you smile? Hehe. It makes me smile! *grins insanely* Heh. **Everyone**; thanks all for reviewing!! Aw, yer all sooooo special. Hehe.   
  
**Institutionalized: Chapter 12-When It Rains It Pours part 1**   
  


*****   
  
_Simple living is my desperate cry   
Been trading love with indifference yeah it suits me just fine   
I try to hold on but I'm calloused to the bone   
Maybe that's why I feel alone   
Maybe that's why I feel so alone_   
  
*****

The normal brightness of a new day beginning did not make it's presence known this very morning, but instead a thick black rain cloud hovered in the sky above the mansion, making everything seem dark and eerie. 

Rogue had just taken a shower, and was heading down for breakfast when she ran into Jean on her way to the infirmary. "Hey Jean-" she started as she began thinking of Logan and what had happened at the Psychiatric Institution.

"Hm? Oh, 'morning Rogue." Jean greeted as she turned with a smile while making her way to the elevator. 

"...How's Logan?" the young southern girl asked after a brief moment's hesitation. She realized she hadn't been to see him since he'd returned, and was feeling a little guilty about it. He was, after all, like a brother to her. Rogue had been spending a lot of time with Bobby lately, mainly because he'd felt left out when she took off with Jean in search of their feral teammate.

Smiling as she turned and entered the elevator, Jean answered, "He's...adjusting, I assume. I'm going to see how he's doing right now." 

Rogue nodded slowly, watching as the elevator doors closed and the redheaded doctor descended to the lower levels of the mansion. Turning slowly, she started down the stairs, different thoughts running through her mind.

  
  
***** 

As Jean entered the med lab, she was surprised to see that Logan wasn't in bed. Brows furrowed, she slowly walked to the bathroom door that was slightly ajar, only to step back as Logan emerged, his hair damp, wearing a pair of boxers.

"Hey." Logan greeted with a partial smile, unabashed that he was barely dressed. It's not like she hadn't seen him like that before, like the other day when he was puking his guts out with his head in the toilet. Now _that _was something more shameful, especially to someone who never remembered being that sick in their life.

Jean smiled as she looked him over, stepping toward him and gently laying a hand on his chest. "Your burns have healed nicely I see." she pulled her hand away, looking down at Logan's bare feet and hands that were no longer scarred.

A low grunt escaped Logan's lips and he nodded, going toward the medical bed and sitting down. "Yeh, healed up over night jus' like ya said. I jus' took a shower ta wash away all the dirt an' stuff."

"Oh, do you want to get some clothes from your room?" Jean asked him, realizing that he didn't have anything wearable in the med lab.

Logan looked uncomfortable for a moment, closing his eyes tightly and trying to remember something, but failing. "I...uh..don't remember where it is..." he mumbled, ashamed.

Jean smiled sympathetically. "That's okay, we're going to work on that today. I could take you up there, or go get you some clothes and bring them back here?"

"_Uh_.." sighing, Logan glanced off to the side, tightly gripping the edge of the bed. He didn't want to be traveling through the mansion and stumble upon someone that knew _him_, but _he _didn't remember. The infirmary wasn't his most favored place in the world because it reminded him so much of the Institution, but he'd rather not be forced in an awkward situation until he was ready.

"Don't worry," Jean assured him with a soft smile, sensing his tension. "I'll get you something to wear and be right back." she nodded at him, then retreated from the room.

Logan watched sorrowfully, wishing that his memory of this place would come back to him sooner rather than later. He wanted to move on, and he didn't like the fact that he had to rely so much on others to tell him what did and didn't happen in his life since he'd been there.

  
  
***** 

Water poured from the sky, soaking the ground so much that the earth couldn't retain it all, only to have the mansion's lush green grounds completely covered in swampy puddles.

It was afternoon by now, but it seemed much later due to the ever-looming dark clouds outside. The rain was torrential, and the mansion's resident Weather Goddess could have delt with it, but Storm didn't like to mess with the weather conditions if she didn't have to, because it could upset nature's balance and cause weather problems later on. This, however, did not stop a few of the mansion's residents from bugging her for a nice day of sunshine instead.

Inside the rec room, many students were gathered watching tv or playing games to keep themselves busy while they couldn't enjoy a nice day outdoors. Among those students, Rogue and Bobby shared a bowl of popcorn on the couch as they watched a movie.

  
  
***** 

Jean sighed patiently, swinging her feet on the medical bed as she watched Logan sitting across from her on the floor, his head leaning back against the wall with eyes closed in an attempt to concentrate. She had been working with him for atleast six hours now, and it was beginning to wear on both herself and Logan since they hadn't made much progress.

"It's okay if you don't remember yet Logan. It will come back to you given some time, like I've said before." she told him reassuringly.

Logan let out an exasperated sigh, heavily thumping his head against the wall with a low growl. "All I remember is you an' Rogue...an' now Xavier." he paused, wondering if he should reveal his rememberance of the day he'd left. He decided to work around that instead. "I get...flashes o' certain memories. They're outta order an' confusing an' I don't know what happens where, or if these flashes even fit together."

Jean brightened a moment. "Well that's a start!" she said with a smile, leaning her elbows against her knees and staring into Logan's eyes. "What are these flashes? Can you describe them to me?" she asked cautiously.

"_Unh_..." Logan started to shift in his seat on the floor, then raised his head and looked sideways as someone entered the med lab, saving him from explaining anything.

"Scott!" Jean said suddenly, obviously surprised to see him. She'd been avoiding him since finding out when he'd returned late the other night.

"Jean." he greeted flatly, noticing Logan on the floor to his right for the first time.

Logan grunted and started to stand. He stared at Scott, realizing that this was the man he'd remembered. This was the one who loved Jean...but did she still love him back? Logan looked away and focused on the floor when a memory jarred loose and flashed in his mind.

_"You gonna tell me ta stay away from your girl?" Logan asked almost dangerously, with a bemused smirk._

"Well if I had to do that she wouldn't be my girl." the man with the sunglasses had replied rather smugly.

Jean noticed as Logan started to stare, unfocused and seemingly confused. "Logan?" she asked with furrowed brows, completely ignoring Scott's presence.

Blinking and shaking his head, Logan looked up, staring Jean square in the eye for a brief second before turning away and storming out of the med lab. He didn't know where the hell he was going, and he didn't much care. It was getting to be too many different and confusing memories all at once, overwhelming him and he needed to get out.

Jean started to go after him, but Scott had grabbed her arm, holding her back.

"Jean, wait." he'd said almost harshly.

She turned to stare at him, and Scott gently released her arm. "What?" Jean asked sharply and none too friendly.

Scott sighed in a defeated sort of way. "Jean, I...need to talk to you, about _us_."

Closing her eyes for a brief moment to think and calm herself, Jean then refocused and turned her green eyes to him without harshness. "Scott," she started softly, then looked to the floor, "I think...I think we're done." she admitted, to herself as well as Scott.

"_No_..." he replied, quietly and unbelieving. Shaking his head, Scott turned his ruby quartz gaze on her, his eyebrows furrowed in distress.

"I love Logan." Jean blurted out, accidentally picking up on Scott's mental question of _'why?'_. Her eyes widened at her own statement, but she immediately held it back from her old love, not wanting to give him any doubts that Logan was her choice.

Scott shook his head, shocked and angry, but mostly in denial. Then he recomposed himself, determined not to let her get away, to convince her she wasn't thinking straight. "No, Jean. You don't _really _love him, you just...feel bad for him."

"Don't tell me what I really feel _Cyclops_." Jean said angrily as she glared at him, deliberately using his codename. She couldn't imagine what was going on in his head right then to make it seem okay to say something like that. Shaking her head, Jean looked away without giving Scott another chance to speak as she turned on her heel and left the med lab, searching for the route Logan had taken.

  
  
***** 


	13. When It Rains It Pours part 2

**Note: **The lyrics in this chapter are from _'Weathered' _by Creed, same as last chap.   
**2nd Note: Angel; **lol. I know Jean's bein' mean to Scooter, but she's pissed because he's been bein' kind of a jerk lately and not at all sensitive to _her _feelings. *shrugs* **Sketty; **Don't worry, we'll make sure Logan stays sane. *grins* Hehe.   
  
**Institutionalized: Chapter 13-When It Rains It Pours part 2**   
  


*****   
  
_ Me...I'm rusted and weathered   
Barely holding together   
I'm covered with skin that peels and it just won't heal_   
  
*****

Outside the air was cool, not incredibly cold, just cool. The rain still fell from the sky unmercifully, soaking anything in it's path. Everything was dark and clouded, almost like there was an eerie mist completely surrounding the Xavier mansion's grounds.

Logan stood there, in the front yard just before the driveway, staring. Just..._staring_. It was as if he didn't know the rain was soaking through his clothes, like he didn't notice, or he didn't care.

Rushing outside after passing the Professor in the foyer when he'd told her Logan had gone out there, Jean peered through the dark fog and heavy rain. She hadn't bothered to grab a jacket, all she cared about was finding Logan and discovering what had troubled him. 

Jean thought she spotted Logan standing there on the front lawn, and when she walked across the water-logged grass and the mud to reach him, all she could do was stand there beside him and not say a word.

Logan continued to stare off into nothing, the cool rain water dripping furiously down his furrowed brows and streaking down his face. He knew Jean was there, yet he said nothing, and instead crouched down and laid one hand flat on the muddy earth, feeling it sink beneath his palm. 

Jean watched him intently, catching the breath she wasn't aware she'd been holding from running after him. She wondered what he was thinking right then, but didn't want to pry. 

As Logan remained crouched with one hand completely surrounded by muddy water and thick, soaked grass, more overwhelming images flashed before him. Memories that he knew would eventually make more sense once he'd put them all together, but frustrated him more than anything now. 

_Logan was in the jet with the others, a panicky feeling rising in his gut when they all realized that Jean wasn't with them in the plane. He was horrified to find that she was outside the jet, using her telekinesis to get the aircraft up again, to save them all. He turned to the funny-looking blue man beside him, and ordered sharply, "You, get her, **now**."_

Nightcrawler hadn't seemed offended by Logan's harshness, but when he attempted to teleport, he was only saddened to find that he couldn't. "She won't let me."

Clenching his eyes shut and shaking his head, Logan looked up over his shoulder at Jean who was still watching him. "You...you saved everyone, _you died_." he said quietly through the loud rain, though he knew Jean had heard him.

Eyes widening, but saddened, Jean continued to stare at him, her mouth opening to say something. She saw the confusion so evident in Logan's eyes, and it made her sad that he was forced into remembering things this way. He had to re-live some horrible memories as if he was experiencing them for the first time.

Before Jean could get any words out, Logan flinched from another oncoming memory, one that pained him to remember as much as it was a relief.

_Watching the sky sadly, with tears in his eyes he never knew he'd shed, Logan stared back at the water that engulfed the ground from the dam bursting moments ago. That sinking feeling in his gut grew stronger; he'd just witnessed Jean save them all, then be crushed by the force of oncoming water and disappear. She was gone forever...or so he thought._

Moments later, as he still stared out of the X-Jet's windows, Logan felt a tightness in his chest from happiness when he saw Jean float up using her telekinesis, though there was an odd firey glow surrounding her. 

The others in the jet had noticed this too, and all mutants overjoyed that Jean was alive and well. They'd opened the hatch and rushed her to come inside.

Exhausted, Jean collapsed inside the aircraft as Scott cared for her broken leg as best he could, and wouldn't leave her side.

Logan stood there in the back of the jet where Scott had taken her. All he could do was stare at Jean, realizing it was a miracle she'd survived through all that had happened. He couldn't stop staring at her, but upon receiving a sharp glare from Scott, Logan had to turn away, slowly going back to his seat only to remember the one that he loved was so far out of his reach.

Trembling suddenly from the powerful memories, Logan sunk to his knees on the soggy ground with a soft grunt, wrapping both hands around his head. He was fighting off a lashing of emotions that had effected him at the time the memories took place. 

"Logan!" Jean gasped as she watched him collapse into the mud. She crouched beside him, gently laying a hand on his back, his t-shirt completely soaked through.

"_Nnh...no_," he stuttered slowly, trying to reflect on the memory that passed before him. "You..._didnnh_...you didn't die." Logan managed to get out, slowly lifting his head and looking to his side at Jean.

"You're right, I didn't...I'm right here." Jean smiled a bit, gently rubbing his back. Logan's behavior concerned her, and she thought maybe her session with him had done more harm than good. It seemed he was only remembering the bad memories. "Are you okay?" she asked softly, though she nearly had to shout because of the loud rain.

Logan stared into the muddy water without answering her. He could feel the cold seeping into his skin, and it reminded him of the memory where Jean had almost died. He took in a shaky breath and closed his eyes for a long moment before Jean's hand on his back moved to his arm and she squeezed it gently, causing him to look over at her.

"Logan." she called to him, standing up and tugging on his arm. "Come on, let's go inside."

"_Yeh_." he mumbled hoarsly as he struggled to his feet before stumbling along with Jean back toward the mansion.

  
  
***** 

"Jean," Charles adressed her, slowly bringing his wheelchair around the couch where she'd been sitting and watching a movie with Ororo. 

"_Hm_? Oh, Charles." she glanced over at him with a tired smile, wiping some of her damp hair out of her face. She'd recently taken a shower from being out in the rain, and all Jean wanted to do was collapse in the soft couch and relax. When Ororo had offerered to watch a movie, she'd jumped at the chance for a quiet hang-out with her long time friend.

Xavier smiled at Ororo as she looked over at him before returning her gaze to the movie. He quieted his tone as he spoke with Jean. "How did you fare with Logan today?"

Smiling slowly, but somehow seeming far away, Jean's soft green eyes met Charles' wise blue ones. "Well, he's remembered some things...but it's all so overwhelming right now and he doesn't exactly know how to handle it." she told him honestly, knowing there was no lying to the man she'd known for so long, besides the fact that he was a supreme telepath.

"And where is Logan _now_?" the Professor asked kindly, his brows creased with genuine concern.

Jean glanced off to the side, a somewhat sad look on her face. Then she turned to Charles and smiled tightly. "He was pretty worn out from our session today, so he just took a shower and he's resting now, in his own room."

"Not the infirmary?" Xavier asked softly.

"No," Jean shook her head. "I thought it would be better if Logan was somewhere he felt more comfortable." she frowned a little sadly. "He _really _doesn't like the med lab Charles, it reminds him too much of the Psychiatric Institution."

The Professor nodded with solemn understanding and smiled. "Alright then. Well, I have some students to speak with for a class now, I'll see you later Jean."

She watched as the Professor rolled away in his chair, then pulled her knees up on the couch and refocused on the movie, laughing along with Ororo at a funny scene.

  
  
***** 


	14. I Just Want You To Be Happy

**Note: **The song in this chapter is from _'As Lovers Go' _by Dashboard Confessional.   
**2nd Note: Del64**; Thanks! *grins* Glad ya like the story, it's always good ta get a new reader once an' a while. **Sketty**; Hm, memory of the kiss? *grins devilishly* Well, of course! hehe.   
**Thank you **to everyone who's reviewed!!!   
  
**Institutionalized: Chapter 14-I Just Want You To Be Happy**   
  


*****_   
  
She said, "I've got to be honest, you're wasting your time if you're fishin' around here."   
  
And I said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not foolin' this feelin' is real."   
  
She said, "You've gotta be crazy! What do you take me for? Some kind of easy mark?"   
  
"No, you've got wits, you've got looks, you've got passion, but I swear that you've got me all wrong."   
I'll be true, I'll be useful, I've be cavalier, I'll be yours my dear,   
I'll belong to you if you just let me through._   
  
*****

The nice moment of relaxation and movie watching eventually ended, and both Ororo and Jean dragged themselves from comfy sofas to head upstairs for sleep, or whatever they felt like doing.

Jean let out a contented sigh, stretching her arms as she began walking out of the rec room. "Oh, I never get tired of watching _You've Got Mail_." she smiled dreamily.

Smiling, Ororo nodded in agreement. "Me neither. It's just so..._sweet_." she laughed.

"But unlikely," Jean answered softly, as she slowly began climbing the stairs. "I mean, it could never work out so...great."

"Hm, I know what you mean." Ororo watched as Jean yawned, and was about to retreat to her attic bedroom, though she turned suddenly and began heading in the opposite direction. "I'm going to make a cup of tea before bed, would you like one Jean?"

"No thanks 'Ro." she smiled, then continued her way up the flight of stairs. 

  
  


*****_   
  
This is easy as lovers go. So don't complicate it by hesitating.   
This is wonderful as loving goes.   
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?_   
  
*****

The hallway was quiet, now that most of the mansion's residents had already gone to sleep. Jean was slowly passing by Logan's room to head to her own, when something caused her to stop. It was more of a gut feeling than anything, but she just felt she had to peek inside. She had to see him. 

Very carefully opening the door, Jean slowly poked her head in and peered through the dark. She raised an eyebrow, spotting Logan sitting on the floor with his back against the side of the bed and his legs bent in front of him. He suddenly glanced her way and Jean felt herself blushing for the intrusion. "I'm sorry Logan, I was-"

"It's okay," he interrupted her, his heavily gruff voice coming out as a gentle rumble from his chest.

Smiling tightly, Jean crossed the room toward him, her sock clad feet silent on the partially carpeted wooden floor. "Mind if I have a seat?" she asked softly, gesturing to a spot on the floor beside him.

Logan shrugged uninterestedly before mumbling, "Free country."

Nodding with a short laugh, Jean lowered herself to the floor next to him. She watched his features, and for some reason she thought he might be mad at her. "Are you okay?"

"_Mm_..." he responded quietly without looking at her. Logan's gaze remained fixed on his bare feet, and he found himself absently tugging at the sweatpants he wore.

Jean's eyebrows furrowed and she refused to look away, even though he wouldn't face her. "I thought you'd be asleep still." she said truthfully.

Shaking his head sadly, Logan finally rose his chin and looked into Jean's beautiful green eyes. "_No_..." he whispered in an anguished way.

Suddenly understanding his troubles, though knowing he wouldn't say anything about it, Jean put a comforting hand on his shoulder, smiling slightly when he didn't pull away. "Hey, um...have you remembered anything about.._uh_..-"

Saving her from stumbling with something to say, Logan interrupted. "I..remember Storm." he said with a little smile. "An' what happened at Liberty Island."

Jean nodded, slowly removing her hand from his t-shirt clad shoulder. After a moment's pause, she frowned and said, "I'm sorry."

Raising a confused eyebrow, Logan turned toward her, shifting in his seat on the floor. "Why?" he let out quietly.

Jean sighed. "For everything..." biting her lower lip, she continued with the memory she felt Logan should know about. "For...you leaving. Just before you left, you and I-"

"I know."

"You.._know_?" now it was Jean's turn to be confused as she raised an eyebrow at Logan, turning to fully face him.

"Yeh.." he confirmed, a little remorseful that he hadn't said anything sooner. "Listen Jean, it's not yer fault...I was bein' an ass. I was.." he paused, this was hard for him to admit. "I was jealous...that you were with Scott, an' you didn't love _me_."

Jean's eyes widened, and for the first time since he'd been home, she felt as though she was getting the real Logan back. And now she needed him to know something. "But..I'm not with Scott anymore, I told him it's over."

Logan raised his head, somewhat surprised. "What? Why?" he was glad, in a way, but also shocked. He just wanted Jean to be happy, and if that meant that she actually _wasn't _with Scott, well...

"Because..." she started a little hesitantly, before reaching out a hand and gently cupping Logan's face. "I love _you_."

Shocked in way that showed he was happy, Logan's eyes widened and he smiled, reaching a hand out to rest on the back of Jean's neck. "..I love you too." he assured her, then grinned slyly as he paused for a moment, then said, "I'm gonna kiss ya," with a smirk. 

Jean laughed, tilting her head down a little and looking up into Logan's dark eyes from under her delicate eyebrows. Her lips twitched a little, and soon she found herself being drawn toward Logan, then their lips met for the long-awaited kiss of true love between them. 

Pulling away slowly, and grinning, Logan remarked, "That was sure as hell better'n the first time we kissed."

Jean found herself blushing a little, and something struck her. The first time they kissed was after the school had been attacked, it was in the woods just under the X-Jet. She smiled, staring into his eyes. "You remember?"

"I'm rememberin' everythin' now darlin'." he answered with a grin as if the kiss had brought back all the memories he'd been missing, though obviously not counting the ones from before Weapon-X. Since their little outing in the rain, Logan had been given alot of time to think as he sat in his room. During that time, things he'd missed out on were gradually coming back to him. 

Nodding, Jean slowly stood and reached a hand out to help him up as she sat down on the bed. 

Logan took her hand, their gazes never leaving the other's. Sitting beside her on the bed, he held her hand dearly, bowing his head a little. "Jean..I want you ta marry me." he said quietly and intensely, leaning toward her. 

Jean's mouth fell open a little, and she gazed at him lovingly. "Me too." she answered with a grin.

"Really?" he asked, raising his head as though he were surprised. "I..I jus' want you ta be happy darlin'." he told her honestly, gently caressing her hand. 

"Marrying you _will _make me happy, Logan." she told him quietly, then he took her in his arms and they kissed again, a long movie-like kiss, something Jean had always dreamed would happen. 

And they were then truly happy, _together_.

  
  


*****_   
  
I said, "I've got to be honest, I've been waiting for you all my life."   
For so long I thought I was asylum bound, but just seeing you makes me think twice.   
And being with you here makes me sane, I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.   
  
"You've got wits, you've got looks, you've got passion,   
but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"__   
  
*******The End*******_

  
  
**Note: **Aww...it's over...*sniffles* Oh, and I'll let you figure out what happened _after _that kiss. As if it isn't obvious. x_- hehe. *smirks* I'm thinkin' of doing a sequel, but that won't be for awhile. I've already promised a sequel to The Drifters, which I'd hafta do before even thinkin' 'bout writing any other sequels. Well...later for now! -Please review!- 


End file.
